Page 686 - women-in-love

tranged, to the house in the hollow, between the knuckles
of the mountain tops. He saw its lights shining yellow, and
he held back, wishing he need not go in, to confront those
people, to hear the turmoil of voices and to feel the confu-
sion of other presences. He was isolated as if there were a
vacuum round his heart, or a sheath of pure ice.
The moment he saw Gudrun something jolted in his
soul. She was looking rather lofty and superb, smiling slow-
ly and graciously to the Germans. A sudden desire leapt in
his heart, to kill her. He thought, what a perfect voluptuous
fulfilment it would be, to kill her. His mind was absent all
the evening, estranged by the snow and his passion. But he
kept the idea constant within him, what a perfect volup-
tuous consummation it would be to strangle her, to strangle
every spark of life out of her, till she lay completely inert,
soft, relaxed for ever, a soft heap lying dead between his
hands, utterly dead. Then he would have had her finally and
for ever; there would be such a perfect voluptuous finality.
Gudrun was unaware of what he was feeling, he seemed
so quiet and amiable, as usual. His amiability even made
her feel brutal towards him.
She went into his room when he was partially undressed.
She did not notice the curious, glad gleam of pure hatred,
with which he looked at her. She stood near the door, with
her hand behind her.
‘I have been thinking, Gerald,’ she said, with an insult-
ing nonchalance, ‘that I shall not go back to England.’
‘Oh,’ he said, ‘where will you go then?’
But she ignored his question. She had her own logical

686 Women in Love