Page 687 - the-portrait-of-a-lady
P. 687

had more than once the idea of writing to him. She had nev-
         er told her husband about him-never let Osmond know of
         his visits to her in Florence; a reserve not dictated in the
         early period by a want of confidence in Osmond, but simply
         by the consideration that the young man’s disappointment
         was not her secret but his own. It would be wrong of her, she
         had believed, to convey it to another, and Mr. Goodwood’s
         affairs could have, after all, little interest for Gilbert. When
         it had come to the point she had never written to him; it
         seemed to her that, considering his grievance, the least she
         could do was to let him alone. Nevertheless she would have
         been glad to be in some way nearer to him. It was not that it
         ever occurred to her that she might have married him; even
         after the consequences of her actual union had grown vivid
         to her that particular reflection, though she indulged in so
         many, had not had the assurance to present itself. But on
         finding herself in trouble he had become a member of that
         circle of things with which she wished to set herself right. I
         have mentioned how passionately she needed to feel that her
         unhappiness should not have come to her through her own
         fault. She had no near prospect of dying, and yet she wished
         to make her peace with the world-to put her spiritual affairs
         in order. It came back to her from time to time that there
         was an account still to be settled with Caspar, and she saw
         herself disposed or able to settle it to-day on terms easier for
         him than ever before. Still, when she learned he was coming
         to Rome she felt all afraid; it would be more disagreeable for
         him than for any one else to make out-since he would make
         it out, as over a falsified balance-sheet or something of that

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