Page 648 - for-the-term-of-his-natural-life
P. 648

CHAPTER XI. EXTRACTED

       FROM THE DIARY OF THE

       REV. JAMES NORTH.






           ecember 7th.—I have made up my mind to leave this
       Dplace, to bury myself again in the bush, I suppose, and
       await extinction. I try to think that the reason for this de-
       termination  is  the  frightful  condition  of  misery  existing
       among the prisoners; that because I am daily horrified and
       sickened  by  scenes  of  torture  and  infamy,  I  decide  to  go
       away; that, feeling myself powerless to save others, I wish
       to  spare  myself.  But  in  this  journal,  in  which  I  bind  my-
       self to write nothing but truth, I am forced to confess that
       these are not the reasons. I will write the reason plainly: ‘I
       covet my neighbour’s wife.’ It does not look well thus writ-
       ten. It looks hideous. In my own breast I find numberless
       excuses  for  my  passion.  I  said  to  myself,  ‘My  neighbour
       does not love his wife, and her unloved life is misery. She is
       forced to live in the frightful seclusion of this accursed is-
       land, and she is dying for want of companionship. She feels
       that I understand and appreciate her, that I could love her
       as she deserves, that I could render her happy. I feel that I
       have met the only woman who has power to touch my heart,
       to hold me back from the ruin into which I am about to
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