Page 191 - the-brothers-karamazov

after all that has happened here?’
‘But I’m convinced that she does love a man like you, and
not a man like him.’
‘She loves her own virtue, not me.’ The words broke invol-
untarily, and almost malignantly, from Dmitri. He laughed,
but a minute later his eyes gleamed, he flushed crimson and
struck the table violently with his fist.
‘I swear, Alyosha,’ he cried, with intense and genuine an-
ger at himself; ‘You may not believe me, but as God is Holy,
and as Christ is God, I swear that though I smiled at her
lofty sentiments just now, I know that I am a million times
baser in soul than she, and that these lofty sentiments of
hers are as sincere as a heavenly angel’s. That’s the tragedy
of it — that I know that for certain. What if anyone does
show off a bit? Don’t I do it myself? And yet I’m sincere, I’m
sincere. As for Ivan, I can understand how he must be curs-
ing nature now with his intellect, too! To see the preference
given — to whom, to what? To a monster who, though he
is betrothed and all eyes are fixed on him, can’t restrain his
debaucheries — and before the very eyes of his betrothed!
And a man like me is preferred, while he is rejected. And
why? Because a girl wants to sacrifice her life and destiny
out of gratitude. It’s ridiculous! I’ve never said a word of
this to Ivan, and Ivan of course has never dropped a hint of
the sort to me. But destiny will be accomplished, and the
best man will hold his ground while the undeserving one
will vanish into his back-alley for ever — his filthy back-al-
ley, his beloved back-alley, where he is at home and where
he will sink in filth and stench at his own free will and with

1 0 The Brothers Karamazov