Page 195 - the-brothers-karamazov

sand roubles in my pocket when I went to see Grushenka,
and it was that money we spent at Mokroe. Afterwards I
pretended I had been to the town, but did not show her the
post office receipt. I said I had sent the money and would
bring the receipt, and so far I haven’t brought it. I’ve forgot-
ten it. Now what do you think you’re going to her to-day to
say? ‘He sends his compliments,’ and she’ll ask you, ‘What
about the money?’ You might still have said to her, ‘He’s a
degraded sensualist, and a low creature, with uncontrolled
passions. He didn’t send your money then, but wasted it, be-
cause, like a low brute, he couldn’t control himself.’ But still
you might have added, ‘He isn’t a thief though. Here is your
three thousand; he sends it back. Send it yourself to Agafya
Ivanovna. But he told me to say ‘he sends his compliments.’
But, as it is, she will ask, ‘But where is the money?’’
‘Mitya, you are unhappy, yes! But not as unhappy as you
think. Don’t worry yourself to death with despair.’
‘What, do you suppose I’d shoot myself because I can’t
get three thousand to pay back? That’s just it. I shan’t shoot
myself. I haven’t the strength now. Afterwards, perhaps. But
now I’m going to Grushenka. I don’t care what happens.’
‘And what then?’
‘I’ll be her husband if she deigns to have me, and when
lovers come, I’ll go into the next room. I’ll clean her friends’
goloshes, blow up their samovar, run their errands.’
‘Katerina Ivanovna will understand it all,’ Alyosha said
solemnly. ‘She’ll understand how great this trouble is and
will forgive. She has a lofty mind, and no one could be more
unhappy than you. She’ll see that for herself.’

1 The Brothers Karamazov