Page 266 - the-brothers-karamazov

you angry this morning, but I assure you before I took up
my pen, I prayed before the Image of the Mother of God,
and now I’m praying, and almost crying.
‘My secret is in your hands. When you come to-morrow,
I don’t know how I shall look at you. Ah, Alexey Fyodoro-
vitch, what if I can’t restrain myself like a silly and laugh
when I look at you as I did to-day. You’ll think I’m a nas-
ty girl making fun of you, and you won’t believe my letter.
And so I beg you, dear one, if you’ve any pity for me, when
you come to-morrow, don’t look me straight in the face, for
if I meet your eyes, it will be sure to make me laugh, espe-
cially as you’ll be in that long gown. I feel cold all over when
I think of it, so when you come, don’t look at me at all for a
time, look at mamma or at the window....
‘Here I’ve written you a love-letter. Oh, dear, what have
I done? Alyosha, don’t despise me, and if I’ve done some-
thing very horrid and wounded you, forgive me. Now the
secret of my reputation, ruined perhaps for ever, is in your
hands.
‘I shall certainly cry to-day. Good-bye till our meeting,
our awful meeting. — Lise.
‘P.S. — Alyosha! You must, must, must come! — Lise.
Alyosha read the note in amazement, read it through
twice, thought a little, and suddenly laughed a soft, sweet
laugh. He started. That laugh seemed to him sinful. But
a minute later he laughed again just as softly and happily.
He slowly replaced the note in the envelope, crossed him-
self and lay down. The agitation in his heart passed at once.
‘God, have mercy upon all of them, have all these unhap-