Page 261 - the-brothers-karamazov

away so abruptly.
‘Stay, Alexey, one more confession to you alone’ cried
Dmitri, suddenly turning back. ‘Look at me. Look at me
well. You see here, here — there’s terrible disgrace in store
for me.’ (As he said ‘here,’ Dmitri struck his chest with his
fist with a strange air, as though the dishonour lay precisely
on his chest, in some spot, in a pocket, perhaps, or hang-
ing round his neck.) ‘You know me now, a scoundrel, an
avowed scoundrel, but let me tell you that I’ve never done
anything before and never shall again, anything that can
compare in baseness with the dishonour which I bear now
at this very minute on my breast, here, here, which will
come to pass, though I’m perfectly free to stop it. I can stop
it or carry it through, note that. Well, let me tell you, I shall
carry it through. I shan’t stop it. I told you everything just
now, but I didn’t tell you this, because even I had not brass
enough for it. I can still pull up; if I do, I can give back the
full half of my lost honour to-morrow. But I shan’t pull up. I
shall carry out my base plan, and you can bear witness that
I told so beforehand. Darkness and destruction! No need
to explain. You’ll find out in due time. The filthy back-al-
ley and the she-devil. Good-bye. Don’t pray for me, I’m not
worth it. And there’s no need, no need at all.... I don’t need
it! Away!’
And he suddenly retreated, this time finally. Alyosha
went towards the monastery.
‘What? I shall never see him again! What is he saying?’
he wondered wildly. ‘Why, I shall certainly see him to-mor-
row. I shall look him up. I shall make a point of it. What

0 The Brothers Karamazov