Page 66 - the-brothers-karamazov

me to the core. Indeed, I always feel when I meet people that
I am lower than all, and that they all take me for a buffoon.
So I say, ‘Let me really play the buffoon. I am not afraid of
your opinion, for you are every one of you worse than I am.’
That is why I am a buffoon. It is from shame, great elder,
from shame; it’s simply over-sensitiveness that makes me
rowdy. If I had only been sure that everyone would accept
me as the kindest and wisest of men, oh, Lord, what a good
man I should have been then! Teacher!’ he fell suddenly on
his knees, ‘what must I do to gain eternal life?’
It was difficult even now to decide whether he was joking
or really moved.
Father Zossima, lifting his eyes, looked at him, and said
with a smile:
‘You have known for a long time what you must do. You
have sense enough: don’t give way to drunkenness and in-
continence of speech; don’t give way to sensual lust; and,
above all, to the love of money. And close your taverns. If
you can’t close all, at least two or three. And, above all —
don’t lie.’
‘You mean about Diderot?’
‘No, not about Diderot. Above all, don’t lie to yourself.
The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes
to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within
him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and
for others. And having no respect he ceases to love, and in
order to occupy and distract himself without love he gives
way to passions and coarse pleasures, and sinks to bestial-
ity in his vices, all from continual lying to other men and