Page 86 - the-brothers-karamazov

‘I am extraordinarily better to-day. But I know that it’s
only for a moment. I understand my disease now thorough-
ly. If I seem so happy to you, you could never say anything
that would please me so much. For men are made for hap-
piness, and anyone who is completely happy has a right to
say to himself, ‘I am doing God’s will on earth.’ All the righ-
teous, all the saints, all the holy martyrs were happy.’
‘Oh, how you speak! What bold and lofty words’ cried the
lady. ‘You seem to pierce with your words. And yet — hap-
piness, happiness- where is it? Who can say of himself that
he is happy? Oh, since you have been so good as to let us
see you once more to-day, let me tell you what I could not
utter last time, what I dared not say, all I am suffering and
have been for so long! I am suffering! Forgive me! I am suf-
fering!’
And in a rush of fervent feeling she clasped her hands
before him.
‘From what specially?’
‘I suffer... from lack of faith.’
‘Lack of faith in God?’
‘Oh, no, no! I dare not even think of that. But the future
life- it is such an enigma And no one, no one can solve it.
Listen! You are a healer, you are deeply versed in the hu-
man soul, and of course I dare not expect you to believe me
entirely, but I assure you on my word of honour that I am
not speaking lightly now. The thought of the life beyond the
grave distracts me to anguish, to terror. And I don’t know
to whom to appeal, and have not dared to all my life. And
now I am so bold as to ask you. Oh, God! What will you