Page 43 - San Diego Woman Amy Haber Issue

am trying to learn their language succeed for their parents, they complain to, your mother, who is to illustrate that at times some
while they are learning mine. Sec- want their parents to be proud her aunt who has loved her since Muslims seem to bend the rules
ondly, I’m going to Saudi Arabia of them. They wouldn’t think of birth. Or maybe you can complain or interpret the Koran the way
in a few months, and I want to ditching school or lying about to your father, no that is her uncle they want
know what everyone is talking anything, well, most of them. and maybe cousin, he will not lis- I promised some of my stu-
about. Yes, you heard me, I am go- Again, my opinion, but ask a Sau- ten. The same is true for the wom- dents I would talk about this in
ing to Saudi Arabia so I can meet di kid why they study so hard, I’ll an, ergo it forces the couple to the article. I intend to keep this
all my students and my bestie and bet the farm it is so his parents work out their own ‘stuff,’ because promise by telling you the one
her family. can be proud. you never ever share the dirty thing I don’t understand about
I have learned so many things It is almost impossible to laundry with outsiders. some Saudi. In many Saudi fami-
about the Saudi culture espe- speak about the Saudi or any Ar- Now here is how it works. A lies, young girls are pressured to
cially, things that surprised me, abs, without understanding what mother goes to another mother, get married as soon as they grad-
perplexed me, angered me, and their religion represents. Muslims usually her sister, and says my son uate high school or before. This
some I even embraced. I thought belong to the Islamic religion and wants your daughter. The girl’s pressure comes from their par-
it might be fun to tell the San Di- the commitment to their religion mother tells the father, and he ents, their extended family, even
ego Woman readers about some is all-encompassing. I am a recov- says yea or nay. Usually yea, he the community at large. It makes
customs and traditions of the ering Catholic and there was a has known this kid forever, even little difference if the girl wants
Arabic people, primarily the Sau- time when I went to mass every taught him how to drive. Then in to go to school or get a career.
di culture. I won’t be telling you day during lent, which seems some cases, not all, the girl is told If her parents, usually the moth-
about these practices in any order, above and beyond for some peo- that this cousin has claimed her. er, wants the girl to get married,
it will seem like random thoughts, ple. But this doesn’t even come The girl may or may not have a her life will become a living hell
but this is how I learned about close to the commitment a Saudi choice to say yes. Then, the boy until she relents. Once she gets
them so this is how I will introduce has for their religion. You can nev- gets money from the bank or married, she is expected to have
them to you. er understand a Saudi woman or his family and buys a lot of gold, babies, lots of them immediately.
One of the first things I man unless you understand how I mean a lot, like 6 figures worth Never mind that she doesn’t want
learned about the Saudis is the their religion guides their every of gold. This gold is presented to babies right away or that you can
size of their families, which is action from the time the sun the bride-to-be; then a contract even afford them, you must have
usually anywhere from 6 up to comes up until it goes down. Al- is written up with the couple's them.
20 children, yes 20 all with one lah will always provide, and noth- expectations of each other. Then Remember I mentioned about
mother. Seems like the Saudis ing will happen without Allah’s everyone dresses up and they sort of bending the rules of the
believe in propagating, a lot, the permission. It is that simple and have a little party called a milka, Koran a bit, well this is when a
more children you have the high- they do not question this period. the contract is signed they are Saudi really bends the rules. They
er your good standing is with the Okay, the next revelation married. use it against the poor girl when
community. Your children are has to do with hair. Women like The newlyweds do not cohab- it is convenient. I know too many
like notches on your belt, you their hair to be long because itate, nor do they consummate girls that were forced to get mar-
earned them, and they are total- their mothers told them this was the marriage. An apartment must ried and are miserable. Now you
ly your property. They can do no good. But they laser, shave, wax, be built for them, usually some- may ask how they are forced; this
wrong, they are all geniuses, they or pluck hair everyplace else on where in the family complex. is where the bending of the rules
are the most beautiful, the most their body, every place. I know Sometimes you are allowed to comes into play. A Muslin believes
handsome, strongest, smartest, some people keep the landscape see your husband, for maybe cof- in order to get into heaven, you
you name it every Saudi child short or not at all but remember fee or dinner. He may call you on must first be gratified by Allah,
possesses everything great and I’m old school and a shaved va- the phone if he is lucky. Once the then your parents, then on down
good. I need to throw in a dis- gina looks like a little girl to me. apartment is built and fully fur- the line. This threat is how they
claimer here, this is my opinion, The no hair goes for the men too, nished by the boy’s family, then keep the girls under pressure.
however, I dare you to tell any no chest, leg, arm, underarm, and comes the wedding, where you This might sound trivial to most
Saudi woman her child is not the down yonder hair. I don’t know have a big party, you can’t afford of you, but as I said Muslims are
most, you name the adjective or why but this blew me away. Mona and celebrate with everyone. The committed to their religion, to-
verb, and you will quickly learn tried to explain to me that Arabic last part sounds familiar. And that tally committed. When you pray
what I mean. hair is very dark and coarse, so ladies and gents is how it’s done. five times a day, in school, at work,
Now because every child is this is why women shave their And then of course you start hav- even shopping malls have prayer
the most gifted, they tend to be arms and legs. And for the other ing babies because you are finally rooms, this is committed in my
rather spoiled, to say the least. As parts of their body, they keep this allowed to do something besides book.
far as I can tell the Saudis don’t hair-free because of cleanliness. hold hands. In closing, I would just like to
reprimand their children. I have Next revelation, it is very A word about the Koran, the add that when you hear about an
taught hundreds of classes with common for Saudis to marry Islamic sacred book, believed to Arab calling upon Allah before
screaming kids and the moth- their cousins, their first cousins. be the word of God as dictated he blows himself up, please re-
er never says anything. And the Once I explain to you why you to Muhammad by the archangel member there are crazies in every
fathers are the worst they bribe might want to rethink the way Gabriel and written down in Ara- country and in every religion. Not
the kids with chocolate or prom- we pick our husbands. Firstly, you bic. This is what every Arab lives everyone who is a Muslim is a ter-
ised trips to the store to get more know the guy since birth, and by and it includes all matters of rorist, not every Arab is a terrorist,
chocolate. Now, this sounds neg- you have watched him grow into life, laws, and legislation. When and certainly not every Saudi is
ative right, however every single manhood. You know his family, you do something against the a terrorist. I find them to be gra-
Saudi child I have taught has a sometimes intimately. You know teachings of the Koran it is called cious, appreciative, intelligent,
refreshing confidence, not a big about his behavior, his work, his ‘harma’, like a sin for non-Muslims. committed, funny, and most of all
head or ego, it is confidence. friends, everything. Secondly, this I have noticed with my students loving.
They do not doubt that they can practice keeps all family money when they do ‘harma’, like listen-
achieve anything, and they know in one family. And finally, and a ing to music, they tell me if they
their parents will love them and great reason, let’s say you have a say an extra prayer Allah will for-
support them. The kids want to fight with your wife, who can you give them. I point this out only
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