Page 38 - Susan Taylor

Always

A

Bridesmaid…

Never WANTING to be a bride.

By Jaime V. Habert

This fact is virtually unfathomable for most people to respect. That’s all too precious ring finger and that man who she loves finances his
right. I don’t want to get married, and no, I will not change my mind. life away to make it possible. Let’s face it, these are the core values
To make this clearer; I will not get married in a house, I will not get present in the dowry system. A woman who is easy on the eyes, fit for
married to a mouse, I will not get married in a box, I will not get mar- child birth, and a man who can provide for her while taking her as his
ried to a fox, I will not get married here or there, I will not get married pleasantly pretty property.
anywhere, I do not like the married life, I never want to be a WIFE. Basically, marriage undermines the strength and intelligence of
Okay, so I may have borrowed a little inspiration from Dr. Seuss with women. It says that we need someone to make us whole. That we are
that one, but my sentiment is genuine. I see marriage for what it is… not able to care for ourselves. That we require a keeper. The idea of
a legal document. It does not solve a couple’s problems, or keep them feminism was to keep us equal, and yet, we accept a societal norm
together. It does not provide safety and security or keep you warm at which makes us lesser than. Marriage places labels on two carefree
night. Marriage is a legal term. It is NOT a solution, a happy ending, or individuals. It forces women into the role of wife and men into the
a fairytale. role of husband. Think about the images that come to mind when I
I have seen far too many couples challenge what I just said. They get mention those terms. A wife is regarded as a homemaker, child care
38 together and follow the societal norms of our time… meet, date, marry. provider, chef, personal assistant, laundress, chauffeur, nurse, tutor,
They let the pressure of religion, parents, or convention, take over and referee, psychiatrist, and manager. A wife is placed in a dutiful role
they don’t ask themselves, why? where she not only cares for kids, but is responsible for much of daily
Why do you want to get married? I know why I don’t. life. A husband is also given the burden of financial responsibility and
Marriage is like a mental prison cell. It says that you are now bound placed under lock and key.
to that person “forever”. This sentencing forces people to stay in a One of the most successful and influential women in history, Oprah
relationship far longer than they should. It gives you an excuse to be- Winfrey, drove home this fact in an interview with Shaun Robinson
come complacent or to settle for less than you deserve. It also makes of Access Hollywood. When asked why she never wants to marry
cheating that much more desirable. Just like a toddler told not to touch Stedman Graham, Oprah replied, “had we married, we would not be
a hot stove, partners often give into temptation because of the simple together”. Shaun Robinson replied, “Really?! Why?” and Oprah said,
fact that they’re not allowed to. And so, they place their hand over the “Because, he is a very traditional man and this is a very untraditional
burning flame, challenged by the authoritative figure which told them relationship. I think it’s acceptable as a relationship, but if I had the
not to. In my opinion, marriage strangles the creative spontaneity of title, “wife”, hmm. I think there would be some other expectations of
romance and eliminates all courtship. It is ultimately what feeds the what a wife is and what a wife does. First of all, you got to come home
flame of infidelity. sometimes…”. Oprah was very aware of how a title can cripple a rela-
We can also look at this from a historical standpoint. It wasn’t all that tionship, especially from the point of view of a woman.
long ago that women were exchanged for cash. In the United States, In another interview for her “O” magazine, Oprah elaborated, “I knew I
colonists from England and Europe brought about the custom of a was not the kind of woman who could get home and make sure dinner
dowry and women became property in a more literal sense. Native was on the table. I do that when I feel like it, and if I don’t feel like it,
Americans and early settlers also engaged in a dowry custom, often there’s some Raisin Bran in there, get yourself a banana, and that’s
exchanging land for ladies. These goods were exchanged in agree- it”. Oprah’s feelings on marriage are my exact sentiment. Women
ment that the women would marry the male suitor. Marriage was more deserve the right to choose… A right to independence. There should
in line with a real estate transaction then a love story. You may say… NOT even be a preconceived notion that dinner is YOUR JOB. All in
“Well that was a long time ago- things have changed!” and I will say to all, this is what marriage brings… expectations.
you… “No, they really haven’t”. Oprah stating that she “wants to WANT” to make dinner for her part-
Think about what most women look for in a man these days. Anything ner is what I feel gets crushed in married lives. The element of desire
come to mind? Money. Maybe not in the millionaire sense but, who is slowly diminished by the title. A desire to be together, not because
wouldn’t admit that a good paying job and nice car do impress? If you have to but because you want to. A desire to give to the other on
you saw an equally good looking guy driving a Honda as you did a a completely selfless level. A desire to create a life together that war-
Bentley, would the Bentley not win out? It’s human nature. Women rants future plans without the requirement.
seek security. Financial security is just one of those aspects, but it is This legal binding of two lives keeps people entangled with one an-
an important one when you are looking for the potential father of your other even when they know they no longer belong together. When you
children or a partner for the rest of your life. Also, we can look at what enter into marriage, you begin collecting joint property. Investments,
most men value in women… Beauty. We don’t all have to be pag- homes, children, pets, cars- they all go into a philosophical lockbox
eant queens, but I have yet to talk to a man who doesn’t have “Good only to be divvied up when the time comes. Even when they feel like
Looking” or “Fit” on the top of his wife wish list. The simple fact that they aren’t fulfilled by their partners, couples will stay together “for the
a woman is given an engagement ring makes true the fact that the kids”. I can tell you that having married parents isn’t as important as
custom of a dowry is still alive and well. Each potential wife that I have having happy ones. Marriage complicates everything, and it makes
talked to obsesses over the type of ring that will be suitable for that trusting your gut that much harder.