Page 32 - Rana Sampson Issue (1)

He Said, She Said

By Robert Tussey & Judith A. Habert
Photo by Lisa K. Miller

Are men really from Mars and Women from
Venus, as author Dr. John Gray states in his
bestselling book? Do men and women really
see things that differently? If given the same
question could their answers really be so
different? At San Diego Woman we wanted
to explore the differences between "them"
and "us". Read this month's installment and
find out how the sexes differ when it comes
to communicating with each other. What
topics would you like to see us duke it out
over in upcoming issues?
No topic is off limits, so write me at
editor@sandiegowoman.com. I can't wait to
hear from you!

He Said... She Said...

32 Men are clueless – or so we have been told for centuries. Birthdays, any Ok, you do have a point. There are some women who will
never be happy no matter what. However, most of us are
holiday, anniversaries, ground hog day, we always take flak because, for some
reason, we can’t read your minds! Diamonds are a girl’s best friend if that is her thrilled that our men go out of their way to try and please
current desire. How are we supposed to know that, today, you are into Indian art us. But I think the rudimentary belief you hold may be a
and jewelry. And flowers, how sweet – what have you done now? The old adage bit off. It truly is not about the gift, it is about the thought
‘if a man is alone in the woods and says something, is he still wrong?’ goes a behind it. For example, when Valentine’s Day rolls around
long way toward the proof that we simply cannot win in the ‘what do you want and our men run to CVS to pick up the traditional heart
now’ game. shaped box of candy. We are grateful, but come on, it’s
I had a friend who bought a BMW 325i as a surprise for his wife on her birthday. the same gift that 2 million other women are getting. How
This thing had all the bells and whistles. With tears in her eyes she ran out the about a coupon that relieves us from dinner duty or taking
front door, joyously flinging her hands in the air proclaiming, “Didn’t they have a care of the kids, so we can grab a glass of wine with our
convertible?” Men go bald from slapping their foreheads and rolling their eyes. girlfriends? It truly isn’t about the monetary value of the
Women’s intuition does not include the ability to discern that most men would gift; it’s about the thought that goes into your choice. Yes
give their wives the world if we could just figure out which galaxy they want it we like romance. How about a surprise weekend get-
from. It’s the male ego that forbids him from asking what you would like for that away? I don’t know many women who would not appreci-
special occasion. Being hunter/gatherers we love the hunt and take great pride ate a romantic weekend away.
in our ability to purchase, have wrapped and sufficiently bowed, and deliver I do admit that women are not always the easiest of crea-
(what we think) is the perfect gift. As if an open ended credit at Neimans isn’t tures to understand, but let’s face it, how naïve are you if
enough. you actually believe us when we say we don’t want any-
Okay, when a man gives his wife a new refrigerator or washer and dryer he’s thing for that special event? We are simply being polite by
violated one of the basic tenets of gift giving to women: If she can’t wear it, not providing a list of all the things we do without all year
you’re wrong. Appliances and kitchen ware are not gifts – they are those silly that we would actually like. Do you think when we point
little necessities that are outside the realm of giftdom. out items during our shopping trips we are just doing so
And (even) if we do ask and you say ‘I don’t really need anything’ there is noth- to start a conversation with you? No, we are hoping that
ing a man can do from that point that’s right. If we don’t get you anything, your those close to us will remember the items and refer back
disappointment will take on epic proportions and we, the male of the species, to this list when trying to decide on a gift. Listen when we
are on the receiving end. If we simply take you out to a romantic dinner and give talk. That is all we ask, so when the time comes you can
you a card, because you said you didn’t need anything, the marathon begins. remember what we want.
We are simple creatures, if you want something, say it. If you don’t, say it. If As for your friend with the BMW….you are right to be ap-
you’re thinking about it, say it. But for the sake of male sanity – say something palled. If I was her husband I would have taken the keys
to let us know WHAT YOU WANT! back and returned it to the dealership. There are some
I can hear it coming, ‘we like it when you guys surprise us. It’s romantic.” What times when women need to just say thank you. Unless of
novel did that come from? Somewhere between ‘oh, surprise me’ and ‘didn’t course he got the color wrong, now that’s a different story.
they have a convertible’ lies the truth – and we are indeed clueless.

March/April 2011