Page 34 - Rana Sampson Issue (1)

WOMEN’S WORK
By Shelli Chosak, Ph.D.

Dear Dr. Chosak, my friends, you name it. I’ve tried meditation and relaxation
Like most companies, my company has been suffering techniques with very limited success. Short of signing on for
from the effects of the economy. We have layoffs every few long term psychotherapy, what else can I do?
months, with the result that employees staying on have to --Susan
take on extra workloads to make up for those who left. This
has resulted in increased stress and decreased quality. The Dear Susan,
working environment is just not what it used to be, and my You sound like you spend your days tied up in knots with
coworkers and I are miserable. Is there anything we can do so much worrying. This can take a considerable toll on your
to make our work lives easier and more tolerable? Would it health, energy, and relationships. Worry is one of those things
be worth speaking to management? I'm doubtful the latter that few people are able to eliminate entirely. However, it is
would work because I just don't see a way that management possible to manage it so that it doesn’t dominate your life.
can fix things. Any help you can give would be appreciated! It helps to understand why we worry. First of all, worry
--Jamie is something we do when we feel out of control. Our brains
seem to be wired into thinking that worry is a way of keeping
Dear Jamie, us in control of the situation we are stressing about. The more
You are certainly not alone with your situation. This sub- severe the situation, the more helpless we feel, such as seri-
ject comes up regularly in the organizations I work with. One ous illness of a loved one or ourselves.
idea is to get a group of your co-workers together for a meet- Unfortunately, worry doesn’t help—it’s a form of magical
ing and brainstorm some creative ideas for modifying or shar- thinking to help manage our distress and to demonstrate we
ing the workload in new ways. Your group is probably best care. In fact, worrying uses up valuable energy that could be
qualified to do this since you are most aware of what is needed put to more creative use, like gathering information that could
and what ways the work can be accomplished more efficiently. possibly help the situation. It can also leave us debilitated and
34 Once you have done this, go to management with your sug- unable to be useful to the person we are worried about. When
gestions. They may or may not be receptive, but this is prob-
we worry, we are reacting as if the worst has already hap-
ably your best shot, speaking as a group and demonstrating pened, and go through all the agony of that possibility. If the
you have put a lot of thought into your recommendations. worst doesn’t happen, we’ve put ourselves through misery for
The next challenge you have is to adjust your perspec- no reason. If the worst does happen, it just means we suffer
tive and attitude. Imagine you are coming to work as a new twice for the same event. Worrying keeps you in a powerless
employee in the current situation. Your expectations will be position and sends a negative message to others who are
different, because you don’t know how things used to be. involved.
There may still be a heavy workload and a lot of pressure, but The first part of your self-training is to recognize that
that’s what you would be signing on for. worry is about future or past events. Practice focusing on the
You can also start a daily appreciation practice. This can present and the worry will diminish. To do this, when you
be done as a group or individually, and can be done at the catch yourself worrying, force yourself to pay attention to what
beginning or the end of your work day. The goal is for each is happening right now. It can be noticing your surroundings,
person to express appreciation for something that went well, attending to immediate tasks, and saying to yourself, “I’ll save
recognizing anyone at any level, or even clients, who were the worrying for tomorrow or next week” If you do this every
thoughtful and/or considerate. It can also include sharing your day, there will be no opportunity for you to get to the worrying!
accomplishments and challenges met. The second thing you can do to help yourself is to assess
Unfortunately, people tend to be more prone to share their the situation objectively. Is there something you can do to
gripes than the positive stuff. It does help to let off steam, but make things better (like researching information on an illness
keep it to a minimum and schedule a shorter time for that— and seeking out the best experts in the field)? If so, taking ac-
make it before your appreciation session, not after. Negativity tion will relieve at least some of the worry. If there is no action
begets more negativity, and positivity begets more positivity. you can take, then practice diverting your thoughts from wor-
You can also share your favorite stress reduction prac- rying to something else. This involves training your mind to fo-
tices, even using your lunch hour to do some simple yoga or cus on other things, especially things that require concentrated
visualization exercises. Even taking a walk on your lunch hour activity or creativity, so there is active involvement as opposed
or break will help. Doing this with some of your co-workers will to passive involvement, like watching TV—it is too easy for
enhance the experience. your mind to drift back to the worry. I call this a healthy form of
And, keep in mind you are one of the lucky ones—you do denial, and you can learn to do it if you keep at it.
have a job, after all. When you develop these skills, you will reduce your stress
considerably and empower yourself, enabling you to feel bet-
Dear Dr. Chosak ter, be more helpful, and do more with your life.
I can’t seem to stop worrying! I worry about my family’s Please send your questions to: Shelli@SanDiegoWoman.com
health, my relationship with my husband, my kids, my work
March/April 2011