Page 32 - Tracy Anderson Issue

He Said, She Said

Photos by Lisa K. Miller

We have all realized that obviously men and women don't always
see things exactly the same way. So, even though, we are a
Woman's Magazine, we only thought it fair that we allow men to
have a chance to share their opinions. Hence, He Said, She Said
was born. Should you have a topic that you would like us to
debate, email our editor at editor@sdwomanmagazine.com.
I can't wait to hear from you!

She Said... He Said...

I have heard so many men complain about how women change once they Put a ring on it? Seriously? Capcha you? Is that what this whole thing is about – the chase and
get married. It is quite often a part of comedy routines that sends waves of the disappointing outcome? As late as the middle 60s women were told to become wives and
laughter through the audience. They are hinting that women may even be mothers and live happily ever after with their knight in shining armor. You weren’t expected to
lying about who they are and what they truly want, just to capture a man do much more. Men were expected to do the rest. Flawed system. If you are “waiting to let your
and force them to “put a ring on it.” What is rarely mentioned, or made guard down to show us who you really are” perhaps you need to rethink your reality. Men put
the butt of jokes in comedy routines, is how much men change as well. their best feet forward in the beginning too and hide some things, but nothing like the arsenal
Maybe it is just the fact that the more familiar we become with our partners women have in store for us. The joke has always been that no matter how macho men are and
the more we let our guard down, and the more likely we are to show our think they’re in charge – we really do know who the boss is. There’s no mystery here. But if you
spouse who we really are. are so unhappy and we (men) are the cause of all your problems – move on: Be happy with your
Why would women have to trick men into marriage? If you think about it, Manolo Blahniks on the floor next to the half bottle of wine and day old take out. We’ve got game
who gets the better deal when it comes to this blessed union? Maybe we too.
need to think this through more. In the old days marriage for a woman may
have been a great arrangement: A woman got married, stayed at home But this argument shouldn’t be about how women are always right – it should be about how we
and, as I recently heard it referred to, was “sponsored” so she didn’t have can do better – all of us – and stop this senseless show of who’s the best of the species. If you
to work. She was a housewife and then a mother who wasn’t expected to didn’t vet your future lover or spouse any better than this, you share the blame. If you didn’t ask
32 earn a living. Today, things are very different. A woman not only does the the tough questions and address the red flags head on, you’re to blame. You have to stop being
mothers looking for a man to change and mold into what you want and start looking for the Right
housewife thing, but she is also expected to work full time (often making
more money than the man) but she cannot rub it in his face. She still has Man who shares the same philosophies and goals as you. And, by the way, women still do trick
to find a way to get home before he does so she can make dinner and tend men into marriage. It’s an old construct that just won’t end.
to the kids, probably pick them up from daycare and do homework with
them while dealing with a disgruntled client on the phone, while nursing the Some men do look for cooks and housekeepers and full time lovers and a childcare worker:
younger baby and stirring up a dinner. Mamma’s boys. They want a mamma to do their bidding. Sorry, but you should have seen this
How does a man’s life change…hmmm let me think? He gains a cook, a guy miles away and ran. Big red flag. Just like we encounter women who only want to be
housekeeper, a full time lover and childcare worker. She’s a cheerleader coddled and taken care of - sharing none of the responsibility within the marriage, we (too)
and encourages him; shares his daily stresses at work and of course his should run just as fast. But we all make mistakes. If it’s bad enough there are solutions:
accomplishments, and must always appear interested, even if she is not. Counseling, coaching, arbitration. If he or she won’t go – go alone. Life is (indeed) too short to
If she is lucky he will provide a listening ear to allow her to vent about her live it by being unhappy. I believe everything that can be done should be done to fix a marriage,
day at the office, or about the tooth that the baby just cut. If he has to travel but when you reach the point where the choice is obvious, take it. Marriage is the hardest thing
for work, she is on her own with the children, but of course he discourages to do right and the easiest thing to do wrong.
her traveling at all for her job, since she has a baby she is nursing, so
therefore she must never spend a night away. What about finances? Women are proven leaders today. Women can accomplish anything they want – today. So why
Oh, well, they are shared. They each pay half of the mortgage and all of would a woman chose to stay? Your strength is in your resilience. I have heard men and women
the household bills. If she is lucky to make a significant salary she may be say they stay because of the kids; yet the kids are the ones suffering most. It’s a tough choice.
able to, on occasion, buy herself or one of the children a special gift.
Now, if she were single… she’d work the same job, but the money would In the 60s you burned your bras and pumped your fists in the air and began a journey towards
be all hers. Instead of coming home after a full day at the office, picking freedom. In the 70’s the womens movement was well under way with Gloria Steinem
up kids and breastfeeding while doing homework and making dinner, she eviscerating men, Erica Jong taking flight and promoting the idea that you can have freedoms
most likely would be (either) at happy hour being bought drinks by the hot you couldn’t claim before: Zipless – yes, commitment – no. And then, you started demanding
new attorney at the firm while he tells her how incredible she is, or sitting more from men: You wanted us to cry and show more emotion in the 80s. We did. In the 90s
on her couch kicking off her Manolo Blahnik shoes with her favorite take you demanded we be better men and become better fathers and lovers and… we did. Now men
out sipping on a glass of wine watching her favorite episode of Mistresses. are as integral to a successful marriage as you (no, we don’t give birth). We are better fathers,
Her bank account would be solid, her housekeeper would have the house husbands, stay at home dads, grandfathers, earners, supporters of your businesses…the list is
sparkling clean, and her biggest concern might be when the next sale at long and impressive and we still don’t get any credit and you still complain we are the bad seeds
Nordstrom’s begins. of marriage while not sharing any of the blame. You can’t have it both ways! For every finger
Are we less nice to you when we finally get you to “put the ring on it?” pointed at us there are as many pointing back at you. Men never ask if their butts look big in
Maybe because YOU have changed and you don’t treat us like a princess their pants.
anymore, but instead as the hired help and we have taken a serious pay
cut. So next time a local comedian starts picking on women and their Women are the entrepreneurs of the new millennium and more women are graduating from
complacent attitude after marriage, be the heckler in the room and yell out, college than men. Pay inequity still exists but your husbands are not to blame. We are your
“Well let’s talk about my husband.” partners just as you are ours. I can’t help what male and female (you should hear what female
comics are saying about men!) comedians do on stage. Maybe we both just need to laugh at
ourselves once in a while.