Page 92 - Once a copper 10 03 2020

passing away after a long, medicated illness or simply because they had
reached their time.

My first night-time sudden death combined a new experience with me being
the victim of a popular joke played on probationers. It started with a call from
the controller “Delta 3 control calling Doctor Death”. By this time the whole
shift knew it was me they were calling. “8777 answering Delta 3” I said in a
grumpy voice, knowing what was coming. “Your expert services please,
relatives waiting, go to . . . .” and I noted the address which was around the
corner from where I was patrolling.

At an old person’s bungalow in Erdington, a pensioner had been found at
home by relatives at around 9pm. As soon as I entered the house, the
overwhelming smell of cat pee almost made me vomit. Wandering around
the house I lost count at twenty moggies. For those cat lovers among you,
fear not, they were re-housed among the relatives later.

I hoped the doctor attending would pronounce death and issue a certificate
so I could book off duty on time at 10pm for a change. No such luck. The
Doctor finally arrived at 10:15pm. As he had no connection with the
deceased and no medical history was known, he could not give a cause of
death or issue a certificate. I knew what this meant. Gather the valuables,
call the coroner, escort the body to Birmingham City Centre and stay with it
until a Coroners officer relieved me.

It was 11:30pm before we arrived in the Coroners van, our deceased in the
back. I asked the driver if he would relieve me in Birmingham and h explained
he was just the driver, not a Coroners’ officer. We arrived at the central
mortuary and the driver reversed the van up to the gates. To my left I could
see the Coroners’ office which was in darkness. Dismayed and confused
what to do next I asked the driver. He gave me a key to the gate and the
inner door to the mortuary. He told me I would have to wait inside until a
Coroners Officer arrived to relieve me.

As I looked around the mortuary a chill swept over me and through my veins
until I shuddered. ‘It’s ok’ I told myself, ‘you’ve seen a few dead ’uns now’.
Who was I trying to convince? I was looking at a sea of mortuary tables, each
with a body on them, covered with a white sheet. ‘If one of them moves I’m
off’ I thought. Mortuaries are kept chilled so in the cold badly lit room, I could
see my own breath. At one end of the room I could see what looked like
foiling cabinets where I assumed more cadavers would be stored. One of the
lower drawers was open and my stupid curiosity outweighed my diminishing
courage. As I approached, I saw the white sheet covering whoever was in
the drawer lift up and down gently as if blown by a gust of air. This alarmed
me as I had closed the door behind me when I came in.
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