Page 28 - TheLeek_1

DECEMBER 17, 2018 BREAKING NEWS
According to Bloomberg News, the Dow continued its downward spiral today by losing another 507 points after a 496-point loss on Friday. The S&P and Nasdaq are also down, putting nearly every barometer and market sector in the red for the year. President Trump has no senior financial adviser because he reportedly has a larger brain
than anyone. According to the president’s secretary-daughter, Ivanka Trump, he will issue a statement after his two-week holiday break
at Mar-a-Lago.
However, the president’s Senior Adviser of Everything, Jared Kushner, offered a few words of wisdom. According to Mr. Kushner, “The stock market is in bed with the left-wing elite media. All they write is lies, lies, and more damn lies about market uncertainty, about phony sell-offs and about tanking corporate bonds. Believe me, none of it is true.
The Trump administration has been singularly responsible for rich people getting richer since the president took office. Every ambitious millennial should be so lucky, not to mention hooking up with a va-va-voom temptress like his daughter.”
When Ivanka Trump was asked to respond to her husband’s remarks, she shrugged and smiled, “Jared is a very obedient husband. He does everything Daddy and I want him to. He only talks when we tell him and he only says words Daddy puts in his mouth. Jared may have a lot of fancy titles, but let me be clear. Daddy and I make all the decisions in this family — and in this administration — period.”