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DECEMBER 16, 2018 BREAKING NEWS
After a seven-month hiatus, First Lady Melania Trump’s enforcer-in-chief, Stephanie Grisham, disclosed this morning that Mrs. Trump’s “Be Best” campaign will be permanently shelved at the end of the month because a “liberal elite fifth grade class” gave her an unexpected education.
Three days ago, the first lady visited a public elementary school in Baltimore, Maryland where fifth graders were learning grammar and syntax. When Mrs. Trump wrote “Be Best” on the chalkboard, hands flew up. “Mrs. First Lady, Mrs. First Lady,” the children called out in unison. Startled, Mrs. Trump turned around and nodded at an eager boy in the front row, “You have question, tweetie?”
“Mrs. First Lady, a superlative adjective following an imperative verb must be preceded by the definite article the,” the boy confidently declared, standing next to his desk at a attention.
“That is the law of English grammar,” a girl in the second row called out.
“That’s the rule, Mrs. First Lady!” a third child shouted from the back of the room.
Looking befuddled, Mrs. Trump dropped the chalk on the teacher’s desk and said in a voice barely above a whisper, “I text Donald now. I want ‘Be Better’ but he blame on Michelle Obama and say no way. He insist ‘Be Best.’ I not know it break law. I feel like fool. Not first time.”