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MAY 19, 2018 BREAKING NEWS
The First Lady of the United States, Melania Trump, disclosed this morning that she is extending her stay at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center until November 3, 2020. Her son, Barron, and parents, Viktor and Amalija Knavs, are expected to join Mrs. Trump as soon as space in Tranquility Hall is renovated to accommodate the family’s lengthy rehabilitation.
When asked what prompted the sudden decision, Mrs. Trump said that her “benign kidney condition” was successfully treated, but her physician advised that complete recovery would take 29 additional months. When pressed for details, Mrs. Trump demurred.
When asked how she felt about staying at Walter Reed, she exclaimed that she had not felt better since 2005 — January 10th to be exact,
12 days prior her marriage to real estate mongrel and now president, Donald J. Trump.
When asked about the status and future of her anti-bullying agenda, Mrs. Trump admitted that the “Be Best” program was a monumental miscalculation, and that a White House occupant whom she declined to name had badgered her into it. The entire “charade,” according to Mrs. Trump, was put on indefinite hold yesterday. She extended a heartfelt apology to all kids in America who had counted on her to stop — once and for all — the foul language, racial invective, verbal abuse, insults, lies and defamatory remarks that have flowed unceasingly from the large orifice on her husband’s face and from his small fingers.