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MAY 21, 2018 BREAKING NEWS
At an impromptu press briefing this morning, President Trump boldly announced that he struck a deal with Big Pharma that will require drug companies to display drug prices in ads, effective August 1. For the first time since taking office 16 months ago, the president appeared elated. He could not stop grinning or holding his thumbs up while reading from prepared remarks.
“Nobody in the history of this country knows more about drugs than Trump. I promised to cut drug costs, and when I make a promise, I keep it,” he proclaimed, raising his thumbs higher as his head bobbed approvingly in front of two dozen cardboard cutouts of journalists.
At his side, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders leaned into the mike and advised that the president would take no questions, and instead, proceed directly to answers.
“Drug costs will go down, down, down,” the president continued.
“They will go down so far that you might get tired of them going down. Just look at Harvoni used to treat HPV, HPC, HIV and HBO. Mike Pence told me that a 30-day supply costs $88,000. Imagine watching the price crawl across your beautiful 80-inch TV screen in a Harvoni ad showing a handsome guy walking down Fifth Avenue, a looker on his arm. You say to yourself, Jesus H. Christ, I’d do anything to be with that babe. Those melons are makin me cry just lookin at ‘em....”
“Pssst, Mr. President, Harvoni,” Ms. Sanders whispered in his ear.