Page 62 - TheLeekCovidEdition_1

October 11, 2020 BREAKING NEWS
It was just learned that the day after her husband orchestrated a theatrical return from Walter Reed, the Third Lady released a detailed statement itemizing Covid-45 precautions she had implemented since March to protect the White House staff – butlers, valets, housekeepers, personal attendants, florists, cooks – everyone who caters to the president’s family 24/7 and grants their every wish and whim, a thankless, battlefield-like job in the current administration.
The Third Lady’s words and actions are diametrically opposed to those of the president. Known to be fond of the f-word, Mrs. Trump has ramped up her use since she and her man-child’s Covid-45 diagnosis. When the president defiantly announced that he was cured, and would not need to follow protective measures, she reportedly screamed, “fuck you” in what was thought to be her soundproof bedroom. Her personal attendant raced to the bedroom, fearing that an intruder was attacking her. Mrs. Trump was found sitting in the middle of her 1690 Queen Anne bed beating the bedcovers and mattress with clenched fists.
The unnamed attendant gave the Third Lady a resperidone tablet and generous glass of her favorite chardonnay, Domaine Ramonet Montrachet Grand Cru. The effect was a “miracle,” in the president’s words. Mrs. Trump regained her composure in minutes. The bed’s canopy of ostrich plumes and heron feathers seemed to contribute
to her sudden serenity.
When asked to comment on Mrs. Trump’s f-you moment, her press secretary Stephanie Grisham pivoted to another topic. “Mrs. Trump has