Page 64 - TheLeekCovidEdition_1

October 12, 2020 BREAKING NEWS
Yesterday morning in a brief White House presser, the president grossly exaggerated his health status yet again. “A total and complete sign off from White House doctors yesterday,” Trump declared. “That means I can’t get it (immune), and can’t give it. Very nice to know!!!” The White House has still not released any negative test results, leaving the president’s true condition an open question.
Mr. Trump also bragged about having a “protective glow” from his medical treatment, but it more likely came from his esthetician, who recently revised the formula used in his customized facial makeup (according to an anonymous woman who is close to the esthetician and resembles one of Donald’s former wives).
Apparently, Covid-45 had caused the president’s face to discolor; his famous orange glow gave way to a pronounced yellow cast, like one would see on someone with hepatitis or gallstones. Mr. Trump’s physician Sean Conley was contacted for more information and replied that he was not aware that his patient had either disease, but would put testing on his to-do list for the president’s next physical.
The president has been freaking out over his inability to resume in-person campaigning, and could hardly contain his elation over his good news, “I’m headed to a rally in Florida tomorrow and expect thousands of my supporters to come out and see what a fine physical specimen I am. Like, I should be on the cover of Men’sHealth. Obama never was, what a loser.”