Page 78 - Javanan Magazine Issue # 1902

PSYCHOLOGICAL
PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUE No. 1902
ISSUE No. 1856
PERSPECTIVES
PERSPECTIVES JAVANAN
JAVANAN
Dr. Alan A.
Modarressi LOGICAL PERSPECTIVES
Clinical and A SOCIOCULTURAL AND MIND AND BODY OUTLOOK
Neuro-Psychologyst
In this column, we examine the mental health issues in the context
of social, culture, and physiological concerns of the Iranian community

egrets about something large USING YOUR REGRET TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
or small can be uncomfort-
Rable to sit with but can also
offer insight into what’s important to Part 1- How to Use an Emotional Pain to Improve Your Mental Health
us and how we can make changes,
psychologists say in a Washington
Post article. Experts share strategies
for working through regret, includ-
ing how to figure out what your
regret is telling you, how to avoid
rumination, and how to reverse your
regret, such as by apologizing or
making changes.
As 2023 comes to a close, you
may find yourself conducting a per-
sonal year in review, taking inven-
tory of what went well and what
didn’t. Which means you may end
up experiencing regret.
“If you pay attention to regret, you
can learn from your mistakes and
make decisions and handle emo-
tions better in the future,” said psy-
chologist Robert Leahy, director of
the American Institute for Cognitive
Therapy in New York and author of
the book “If Only … Finding Free-
dom From Regret.”
“Regret helps you imagine pos-
sibilities,” he said. Regrets can be
large or small, persistent or fleeting.
They can be for something you did
(like drinking too much and get-
ting sloppy at a holiday party) or for
something you didn’t do but wish
you had (such as not accepting a
challenging job or asking someone
out on a date.)
Research has found that the five
most common sources of regret re- my decision then?; What do I care moment that I would never see my dwell on it. To evaluate your regrets
late to education, career, romance, about?; What could I do differently father alive again, but I didn’t want constructively, set aside a specific
parenting and self-improvement. in the future, based on my values? my son’s dad to be angry with me time to evaluate a particular regret.
These are areas where people “see “Regrets tend to be related to for being late,” Grothouse said. Give yourself 10 to 15 minutes to
their largest opportunities” or “tan- who you are and what’s most im- In retrospect, she regrets not trust- reflect on it then get back to your
gible prospects for change, growth, portant to you, to your core values,” ing her instincts to stay. “In that mo- current life. Rumination keeps you
and renewal,” the researchers noted. said Elizabeth Lombardo, a clinical ment, I gave away the agency over locked in your head, spinning your
Fortunately, everyone can ben- psychologist in the Chicago area my life to someone else,” she said. wheels. Rumination is not the same
efit from exploring their regrets. “If and author of “Get Out of the Red But she has also learned from the ex- as solving problems, and it may not
you think about regret and use it as Zone.” perience, and embraced the mantra: give you clarity.
a guide for changing your behavior Denise Grothouse, a 57-year-old “There is a reason your windshield While you shouldn’t ruminate on
in the future, it won’t linger in your marketing professional in Naples, is larger than your rearview mirror.” regret, you shouldn’t ignore it either-
life,” said Todd McElroy, an associ- Fla., has regret around her father’s “Embracing this mind-set ac- Regret is an emotion that doesn’t
ate professor of psychology at Flor- death. She recalls visiting him when knowledges that my past has value feel very good but it often has some-
ida Gulf Coast University in Fort he was dying of cancer and unable because every hardship contains a thing important to teach us. Regret
Myers. “Your regret will go away.” to speak. Grothouse had to make lesson,” she said. “But it helps me is a signal to how we could behave
Consider what regret is trying to a hasty exit to drop off her seven- focus on steering myself toward a better in the future — so we ignore
tell you. Experts recommend asking year-old son at his dad’s house. As better future.” it at our own peril.
yourself the following questions and she was leaving her father’s room, Avoid ruminating about regrets- In the next article, I continue to
then reflecting on the answers: he began to cry in a way she’d The key to using regret to your ad- explore more ways of turning regret
Why do I feel regret?; What drove never heard before. “I knew at that vantage is to analyze it but not to to better your emotional health.

DANESH FOROUGHI, PH.D. Alan Modarressi, PhD, QME
Licensed Clinical Psychologist, PSY13680 Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Licensed Marriage, Family & Child Psychotherapist, MFC23455 Qualified Medical Evaluator
Certified National Board of Addiction Examiners #4974 Certified Psychophsychologist
Tel: (310) 940-3642 Diplomat, American Academy of Pain Management
15720 Ventura Blvd., Second Fl. #224 Encino CA 91436 (818) 501-6080 (562) 861-7226

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