Page 78 - Javanan Issue #1899_Neat

PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUE No. 1896
PSYCHOLOGICAL
ISSUE No. 1856
PERSPECTIVES JAVANAN
PERSPECTIVES
JAVANAN
Dr. Alan A.
Modarressi LOGICAL PERSPECTIVES
Clinical and A SOCIOCULTURAL AND MIND AND BODY OUTLOOK
Neuro-Psychologyst
In this column, we examine the mental health issues in the context
of social, culture, and physiological concerns of the Iranian community

SOME BEHAVIORAL INDICATIONS OF EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY

Part 1- How to Recognize Immature Behaviors and Correct them

esearch shows that emotional and promised they would give them
maturity or lack of it affects another one if the child could wait
Rmany ways in which people until they came back into the room.
behave in their environments. The It’s adorable to watch the kids
following is a list of a few markers peeking at the marshmallow,
of these behavior. squirming trying to keep themselves
- Difficulty expressing emotions from eating it. Some even sit on
appropriately-A big sign of maturity their hands. But many of them suc-
is being able to express emotions cumb to their desire and gobble it up
appropriately. This is what makes before the researcher returns.
the difference between a tantrum- It’s not any fault of their own —
throwing child and an adult who can their emotional circuits have not
calmly explain their needs. Now, of yet fully developed. As adults, we
course, most adults have learned to have the willpower and emotional
not throw tantrums, whether they strength to do what many of these
are emotionally mature or not. cute kids couldn’t — but many of us
But for some, these tantrums have still choose not to use it.
just transformed into milder, more
subtle emotional outbursts. This The thing with willpower is that
can take many forms, from hurtful it’s like a muscle — you need to
or passive-aggressive comments practice it to strengthen it. If you get
to body language like eyerolls and used to choosing chips and Netflix
huffing and puffing. over hitting the gym, you’re only
Sometimes, a person may refrain strengthening the neural pathways
from expressing their emotions at that choose instant gratification over
all, just to explode later, to the total working on your long-term goals.
surprise and confusion of the person The point is not to never choose
on the receiving end. Unfortunately, instant gratification anymore, be-
this sort of behavior can build up cause you do have to enjoy your life.
over time, so you become less and But try to find more of a balance so Start by actively listening to others, or conflict.
less able to handle even minor life that you don’t sacrifice your goals in not just to respond but to under- We think things like this made us
stressors. And at the same time, it the process. stand. Ask yourself, “How would I empathetic and caring, but this in-
will very quickly drive people away -Struggle with empathy and feel in their situation?” ability to safeguard our emotional
from you, as they don’t want to be perspective-taking-Have you ever Remember, you don’t need to space leads to feeling overwhelmed,
buried under your emotional ava- found yourself in a heated argu- agree with them in order to under- drained, and emotionally dependent.
lanche every time something sets ment, so focused on proving your stand them. But you will often find The key to developing better emo-
you off. point that you can’t even hear what that empathy opens up your eyes to tional boundaries is recognizing that
But don’t beat yourself up over the other person is saying? That’s a insights you didn’t realize before.
this — after all, nobody taught us classic sign of struggling with em- -Poor emotional boundaries- you are not responsible for every-
how to manage our emotions well pathy and perspective-taking. Setting boundaries is like drawing one’s feelings, nor are they respon-
as kids. The good news is, it’s some- It’s not just about understanding an invisible line that separates your sible for yours. It’s about under-
thing you can always learn. someone else’s feelings; it’s about emotional well-being from exter- standing where you end, and others
Next time you feel emotions rile stepping into their shoes, seeing nal influences. When we have poor begin. Practice by gently asserting
up, pause and take a moment to things from their angle. When we’re emotional boundaries, we often find your needs and limits. Remember,
identify them to yourself. What emotionally immature, our world ourselves excessively affected by it’s okay to prioritize your peace of
exactly are you feeling? This emo- often revolves around our needs and others’ opinions or moods. It’s like mind. Establishing these boundaries
tion doesn’t have to dictate your views. We might dismiss others’ having an open-door policy for ev- is a vital step towards emotional ma-
response — so try to choose a bet- feelings as overreactions or fail to ery emotion that passes by, whether turity, allowing you to interact with
ter one that’s more suitable for the recognize the impact of our words it belongs to us or not. For instance, others while maintaining your emo-
situation. and actions. This not only strains re- if a friend is upset, you might also tional integrity.
-Reliance on instant gratification lationships but also limits our own become deeply distressed, even if Next Week I will provide you
You may have heard of the marsh- emotional growth. the issue doesn’t directly involve with more symptoms of emotional
mallow experiment, where research- But here’s the good news: empa- you. Or you might find it hard to say immaturity and how to change those
ers offered children a marshmallow, thy is a skill that can be nurtured. no to requests, fearing disapproval behaviors.

DANESH FOROUGHI, PH.D. Alan Modarressi, PhD, QME
Licensed Clinical Psychologist, PSY13680 Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Licensed Marriage, Family & Child Psychotherapist, MFC23455 Qualified Medical Evaluator
Certified National Board of Addiction Examiners #4974 Certified Psychophsychologist
Tel: (310) 940-3642 Diplomat, American Academy of Pain Management
15720 Ventura Blvd., Second Fl. #224 Encino CA 91436 (818) 501-6080 (562) 861-7226

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