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I pull my cover over my head to create a venue for this world class pity party. I
handled it wrong. I should have stayed like an adult and had it out in person. I ran
because I was scared he would reject me, and I would beg. This outcome isn’t much
better. I just want time to piece myself together and try again. Looks like I won’t
get that chance. He said we needed to talk, and he wanted to do it in person. I

dropped the axe and pulled the “space” card before he could. All I did was beat him
to the punch. Right? Why don’t I feel like I did the right thing?
I wake up three hours later disoriented and confused. There’s nothing like
wine and a cry fest to put you in a mini pity coma. The headache is gone, but the
heartache still stands. I carefully pick my way to the nearest bathroom to pee. It
used to be Henri’s. If my momma could see me now. She’d shake me and tell me to
pull myself together. But, she’s out of town, so I’m free to sit on the toilet
blubbering like an idiot with my feet on tippy toes and my panties wrapped around
my ankles. I sit there long enough for my leg to fall asleep. I flush, wash my hands,
and limp to my phone. Maybe, just maybe, he’s tried to contact me. Nope. No
phone call, text message, email, tweet, FB Message, Snapchat, or Instagram tag.

Nothing. He hasn’t updated any of his social media platforms.
I grab my forgotten bottle of wine to finish it off. I chug it like a frat boy doing
a keg stand. I keep drinking until my lungs burn. I gasp for breath to start again.
Empty. I sluggishly walk to my bathroom. I flip on the water. I stand there for a
minute watching it drop out of the showerhead and flow down the drain, like my
hope, dreams, and aspirations. A memory of Henri stabs me. It’s been happening
since he moved. I need to move. This no longer feels like my sanctuary.
No, it’s my personal nightmare -hallowed by laughter, hot sex, and now
heartache. Too many memories of him, too many memories of us, too many
previews of what could be. I strip and step under the spray. The least I can do is
wash the scent of him from my skin.