Page 11 - eMuse Vol.9 No.07_Neat

At What Cost A well-known song in early Northern Queensland, which goes to
the ancient air of “The King of the Cannibal Islands.”
You can make a ready Fortune, THE QUEER WAYS OF
You can own a House or two,
You can have a place in ‘Surfers’
With all the ‘Wealthy’ Crew. AUSTRALIA
You can drink the best of Champagne-
Be a Member of the Pack, Dick Briggs, a wealthy farmer’s son,
And drive a “Rolls”, (the Latest). To England lately took a run,
To Toorak - (there and back). To see his friends, and have some fun,
But have you ever contemplated For he’d been ten years in Australia.
At what you might have (lost ?). Arrived in England, off he went
The ‘Down-side’ of a Fortune – To his native village down in Kent,—
Asked the question - “At what Cost ?” ’Twas there his father drew his rent,
Do you have a friend to talk to ? And many happy days he’d spent.
Do you have a ‘ready’ Mate? No splendid fine clothes on had he
Can you borrow his Lawn-Mower ? But ‘jumper ’n boots up to the knee,
Can you enter his Front Gate ? With dirty Sydney ‘cabbage-tree,’—
Does your Phone ring of a Morning ? The costume of Australia.
With a Pal to say “Gooday!”, Chorus.
“How about a Game of Bowls ? “Now when a fellow takes a run
Your turn to ‘Shout’ today”. To England for a bit of fun,
Do you have a Happy care-free Home ? He’s sure to ’stonish every one
A Wife to Love and Care. With the queer ways of Australia.
A Family ‘round your Table – “Now Dick went home in this array;
With Lives to live - and share . His sister came out, and did say,
You’re the Richest Lucky Person ‘No, we don’t want anything to-day,’
If you have but half of these, To her brother from Australia.
And the cost is almost nothing, Cried he, ‘Oh, don’t you know poor Dick?’
So stop complaining – “Please!”. They recognized him precious quick;
The ‘old man’ hugged him like a brick.
Skew Wiff. And there was feasting there that night,
For Richard was a welcome sight,
“Gone Fishing” For each one hailed with great delight
The wanderer from Australia.
Chorus.
I called ‘round to see my old Pensioner mate, “The blessèd cattle on the farm
An’ paused at a sign, hanging there on his gate. Regarded Dick with great alarm;
Written in chalk in a child-like scrawl, His swearing acted like a charm
It said - “GONE FISHING”- , and that was all. When he gave them a ‘touch’ of Australia.
No need for more – no need to say He could talk ‘bullock’ and ‘no flies,’
That he’s not at home if you call today ?. And when he bless’d poor Strawb’r’y’s eyes,
He left no word of where to call, She looked at him with great surprise
Just “Gone Fishing” – and that was all. As out of her he ‘took a rise.’
The sign was brief – there on the gate, ‘Fie, fie,’ his mother said one day,
“He’ll be back sometime – if you care to wait”. ‘What naughty, wicked words you say.’
He could be Fishing ? – back tonight ? ‘Bless you, mother, that’s the way
He could be gone for the next fortnight? We wake ’em up in Australia.’
He could be here ? He could be there ? Chorus.
Or with his mates at ‘No- not where?’ “Dick went to London for a spree,
He’s now retired , living on his own, And got drunk there, most gloriously;
The days are ‘His’ and ‘His’ alone. He gave them a touch of ‘Coo-oo-ee!’
He could be ‘Fishing’ ? , that is true, The bush cry of Australia.
Catching a Cod or a Bream or two. He took two ladies to the play,
But my guess is that he’s off somewhere, Both so serene, in dresses gay;
Having some fun, without a care. He had champagne brought on a tray
I laughed at his sign and what it said, And said, ‘Now, girls, come fire away.’
For I had a look in the old blokes shed, They drank till they could drink no more,
There in the dust was something odd, And then they both fell on the floor.
All his favourite gear - and his Fishing Rod. Cried Dick, as he surveyed them o’er,
‘You wouldn’t do for Australia.’”
Skew Wiff
Chorus.
From “The Black Police — A Story of Modern Australia”
A. J. Vogan 1890

July 2020 eMuse 11