Page 24 - eMuse Vol.9 No.07_Neat

The Cost of Healthcare

by John Bidgood

My knees are long gone, they are all worn out
The bow in my legs looks like a roundabout
I have pain in the day, I have pain in the night
The Dog & The
It is cruel and unbearable; I don’t think it’s right
The cartilage is gone, it’s now just bone on bone
My wife goes crook, she says all I do is moan Four-Wheeler
When I had two good knees my pace it was slow
Now I have bowlegs, I need a jigger to make me go by John Bidgood

So off to the doctor, my bowlegs slowly walked I brought a cattle dog named Grove
He said “With knees like that, you look like a dork” His job it was for cattle to move
“But with a knife and titanium we will straighten them again” I now should not get out of a trot
“We will make you three inches taller and free of any pain” Grove`s job would be to muster the lot

“That would be a great idea” I said “When do we begin” My horse now I could slowly ride
He said “When you pay me thirty grand, I will book you in While Grove would run from side to side
“Thirty grand” I coughed “I don’t want your house as well” This was what I had thought
“Just new knees to keep me going, I reckon would be swell” When from his owner Grove I brought

Yes, thirty grand plus the Mater Hospital room recovery fees But what I thought was not so
One thousand a night, the pain in my knees was starting to ease For chasing cattle Grove would not go
He said “Five grand would see you home after five nights” I would put my saddle on my horse
I thought thirty-five grand for two knees did not seem right Then look for Grove who I could not source

But he had not finished with me yet, I would have more pain to For Grove was hiding in the shed
bear The sight of cattle he did dread
The anaesthetist was going to be ten grand, that would be his I called and whistled tell I was blowing
share That dog just said “I am not going”
Then there were a few incidentals that I should also name
GST at 10% for the government was another tax ,what a shame He did withdraw deeper into the shed
I called and whistled tell I was red
Close on fifty grand just to walk straight once again When my wife walked out into the yard
Isn’t it funny how money will sometimes ease the pain? Grove came out, my pride was jarred
So, I am still walking with a big bow between my knees
I shook the doctor’s hand I gave it a bloody hard squeeze He sat himself down at her feet
With a look at me like I got you beat
I said “I will see you around maybe in a few years’ time” I am a house dog, you silly old fool
“I am going to rob a bank; I am going to commit a crime” His eyes telling me he was feeling cool
“To pay for two new knees I will be too old to appreciate”
“This expensive health system has surely sealed my fate” Well Grove never again left that house
He stayed with the wife as quite as a mouse
So tell me why do we pay premiums of six thousand a year So now what do I do, to get my cattle to move
When the gap payment is bigger than a politician’s rear Buy another dog but don`t call him Grove
We get ripped off with cigarette’s and with fuel and with beer
But the biggest rip off of all is when our body needs new gear No, I thought, a four-wheeler I would buy
Retire my horse and in peace let him die
© John Bidgood 2019 So now I drive around chasing cows up and down
With no dog and no horse and on my face no frown

The cows know to move when I blow the horn
Even the poddies who only yesterday were born
They move with the herd, to the yards they all go
As on my four-wheeler I drive to and fro

So now Grove stays at home with the wife
The horse stays in the paddock living the life
I drive my four-wheeler around the farm
Now with no dog or no horse I am ever so calm.
© John Bidgood Feb 2019

24 eMuse July 2020