Page 11 - Likutei Tipshim

Have you ever wanted to do something a little bit naughty but stopped because it etc. and our greatest benefit: no carpools. For registration & information you can email
wasn't the Torah thing to do? Perhaps there is some business practice you would like us at "Isolation" <info@echeder.edu>. Remember our motto, "The E Cheder is where
to use, or juicy gossip you would like to spread, but are afraid of the avayros you E'ts at".
would be committing. Well fear no longer! The Halachik Institute to Pater Observant
Chicagoans Really Isur Tayvas is at your service! H.I.P.O.C.R.I.T. will be pleased to
take your money and research your shaylah, and you have our personal assurance if we rlalachic Comer Zmanim for Alivah 5755
can't give you the heter you are looking for, we will help find you a posek that will. What they Sav What they Mean
As a service to the community a new lecture series is being offered, entitled "Asking a Zionists "When I have the Money" "After the grandchildren
shayla, how to form the question to get the answer you want," and a two-part lecture finish lu'gh school"
"Know your poskem, who to ask what" ( a Who's Who of the koolah set).

With the many innovations in our community that enable us to do mitzvot with Anti-Zionists "When Moshiach Comes" "Then I'll move to
the least amount of personal sacrifice, the tefila committee of Chicago is pleased to be New York"
forming the first evening shacharit minyan. We hope to have all the necessary poskim Although the Torah applies only to Jews, certain basic laws apply to all individu-
on line in time for selichos this coming year. So in one stop you can daven maariv fol- als, regardless of their religion. These laws are known as the "Noachite" laws, since
lowed immediately by selichot & shacharis. If you have to be at work early and can't they apply to all sons of Noach, i.e., all humans. The law against murder is one such
slay up late to join us, don't despair! For a nominal donation to our "Kollel Kinyan law. Occasionally, the non-Jewish community will adopt a Jewish law and take it very
Kesef' we will have one of our kollel members keep you in mind during davaning. seriously, and then they are bound by this law, just as Jews are bound by their cus-
You can skip iciilah with confidence! Just fill out our "sheliach shcl adorn kamoso" toms. Therefore, please be polite during the time before Sefirah. Some fundamentalist
form and enclose it with your $ 100.00 donation for each tefila (quantity discounts non-Jews have adopted the custom of not shaving and not having haircuts during
available). Sefirah, and have started going door-to-door proselytizing this belief. Do not be star-
tled if one approaches you to ask, "Brother? Have you been shaved?"
Available for the first time this year: "3D Magic Eye" matzah. Have you ever
been at a seder where magid seems to go on forever? With your very own set of Queijtion^ for run and Profit '
"Magic Eye Matzah" just hold the matzah approximately 3 inches from your face and
see 3 dimensional scenes of servitude in mitzrayim, the splitting of the red sea, and 1. Does anyone really read these questions?
more, a total of 12 different scenes in all. Available in machine and hand made vari-
2. Did you hear the joke about Rabin, Peres, Beilin, & Arafat?
eties. Send check or money order to Magic Meshugah Matzah, P.O. Box 1 Born
3. Why didn't Mordecai take some land from some rich Jews and offer it to
Every Minute, Beserkely, California 400210
Hainan to try & appease him?
The U.S. Eruv Committee announces our first fundraising event in the Chicago ]?•>/<$ year Lflajl'ei Ttfthlm 1$ jponjoreJi v
area, kicking off our "Fence around America" campaign. We hope to be the first conti- The White House introducing our new press secretary Mr. B. May sab. As a long time
nent with its own eruv by the year 2001. Our guest speaker, the famous Eruv Rav, will friend of President & Mrs. Clinton, Bubba has a reputation of being honest and
speak on the topic "Rishus Harabim, an Idea Whose Time Has Come and Gone".
straight forward. Please join us at a community forum to welcome Mr. Bubba Mayseh
Please send your donations to U.S. Eruv Committee, P.O. Box 39, Carry II. 60013.
and wish him well. (Bais Halavan)
The ACME Security Company is offering a new innovative security system for
sliuls and bais medrishes everywhere. Not only will we wire your Aron Hakodesh with By Newt Gingrich, inviting the country to the first annual "Retire the Deficit Dinner."
trip wires and infra red sensors, but we can now offer a voice activated Aron opener. The price for 2 plates is $1,776.00 or complimentary if you bring in $30,000 worth of
No longer will your congregants wait impatiently for the person honored with pesicha ads for our journal (which will be published in 2 languages and recorded in the Library
to hunt for the cord that opens the curtain; as soon as our sensor hears "vayihe bin- of Congress). Also many dedication opportunities are available, for example: for only
soali," the Aron opens automatically. As an extra feature for those speedy hashkama $5,000.00 (we accept stamps) you can underwrite the cost of a senators desk and we
minyonim your Aron can also be set on a timer. The next time shacharis is taking too will include a tasteful plaque saying "donated by..." For a slightly larger donation all
long, your "Auto-Aron" will open at your preset time and ready or not it's kreyah legislation passed for one week can be dedicated in honor of some cherished occasion
time! So don't delay order both our "Safer-Torah" security system as well as our or in memory of some loved one. Don't delay demonstrate your patriotism and support
"Auto-Aron" for a secure shul & speedy davaning. Call I-800-NO-KAVANAH. your country. Operators are standing by. (Republican Party)

The Electronic Kehilla of Greater Chicago, is pleased to announce the formation Mr. & Mrs. Chass announcing the wedding of their daughter Freylach to Simcha son
of the city's first Electronic Cheder. All students will be hooked up via computer to of Rabbi & Mrs. Ennah. The Chass-Ennah Chasenah will take place I"H 4/4 at the
their Rebbe, keeping costs down by avoiding paying for a building, heat, electricity, Hotel Hotel.(Bais Kenesses Shul)