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The phrase ‘marbles in my mouth’ most   the optometrist to refill my order of lentils   feel unparalleled satisfaction. Words that
        accurately describes how I feel as I try   (םי ִ ׁש ָד ֲע) instead of contact lenses (תֹו ׁש ָד ֲע).  once eluded me now sit on the tip of my
        to think of and articulate words on the   The second question is more difficult.   tongue, patiently waiting their turn to be
        spot. My anecdotes are often clumsy, but                                adorably misconjugated.
        my coworkers are patient and kind. They   Why am I trying so hard? I will never
                                            be a native, so why not just set the bar
        laugh in the right places so I know they   lower and aim to simply get by? And   There will always be marbles. I will always
 ALIYAH DIARIES  that they too have perfected the smile-  then I remember that once upon a time   was last year to once again being an expert
                                                                                be an immigrant. But I am closer than I
        understand me… though it’s also possible
                                            I was an expert in my own life. I knew
                                                                                in my own life. I know how far I’ve come.
        and-nod. They gently correct me, and they
                                            how to navigate unexpected situations,
        ask me to clarify when I tell them a whole
                                                                                my kids do too, though making them say
        story about being annoying (ת ֶנ ֶּ ב ְצ ַע ְמ) when   how to explain what I needed, and how   My coworkers are starting to see it, and
                                            not to unfortunately mistake the word
        I was actually describing an interaction   snack (ףי ִט ֲח) with the word for kidnapping   it would make me as annoying as that
        I had with an interior designer (ת ֶב ֶ ּצ ַע ְמ).   (ה ָפי ִט ֲח). Increasing my fluency and becom-  interior designer.
        They encourage me not to get frustrated                                 And while I have not yet mastered fluid
        because my mistakes are adorable. I was   ing more Israeli will help me to feel more   conversation, I do recognize that I have
                                            confident and less anxious. It will allow
        already adorable in my second hand shirt.                               successfully completed this challenge.
                                            me to remember that random conversa-
        Being even more adorable is exhausting.  tions are not (only) minefields of potential   Excuse me while I spit out these marbles
                                            embarrassments, but opportunities for   for a bit, I’m off to kidnap some sushi and
        I mentioned my failures and successes to a                              lentils.
        friend of mine who was visiting from the   friendship and connection.
        States. ‘You’ve been here for years now, do   I am trying because that’s what immi-
        you really still feel like an immigrant?’, she   grants do. We work hard. We allow our
        asked. Another visitor asked me, ‘Why are   children to see us struggle, fall, and get
        you trying so hard? Why is it so important   back up. They watch as we try to keep
        to you to be more Israeli?’         our sense of humor when simple interac-
                                            tions take so much more effort than they
        The first question is easy – yes, I still feel   should. And they notice when we slowly
        like an immigrant when I have to work   overcome the obstacles one by one. While
        harder than everyone else in the room
        to simply follow a conversation, when it   they are rewriting the note I wrote to
                                            their teacher to make it sound like it was
        takes several moments of heart palpita-
        tions and cold sweat for me to discern if an   written by a grown up human and not an
                                            undereducated piece of lettuce, they are
        unidentified caller is a telemarketer or an   also noticing and internalizing my resil-
        actual representative from my bank with                                            Kally Kislowicz
        important information, and most acutely   ience and can-do spirit. Right?   made Aliyah from Cleveland, Ohio,
        when, despite having rehearsed the cor-  I try so hard because as the years go by and   to Efrat in 2016.
        rect word numerous times, I inevitably ask   the marbles in my mouth become fewer, I


































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