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BarJournal FEATuRE

JULY/AUGUST 2015
exTrA How to Have

Happy Holidays

BY SCOTT R. MOTE, ESQ.

s the holidays approach, like I always keep this thought close to mind “There is only one time that is important –
most people, I envision a during the holidays. No matter how many NOW! It is the most important time because
relaxing and joyful time that gifts I buy or how much time I spend with my it is the only time that we have any power.”
I spend with my family and friends and family, I do it because it makes me Leo Tolstoy
Afriends. I think of the good happy. I know that it is not my responsibility to
food and the time spent together with loved make them happy. Be real.
ones and all the good feelings that come with Keep your expectations for the holidays
these traditions. But, as the holidays get closer, It’s ok to say no. realistic. That way you will not set yourself up
the reality sinks in. I start stressing about how You are invited to several holiday parties, lunch for an emotional letdown. Many times, people
many gifts to buy, how to stick to my budget, gatherings, soirees and galas. Your best friend have a vision of what the holidays will be
what to make for dinner, how to stay away is stressed and wants to get together to talk, like—happy families, tasty dinners, gorgeous
from self-destructive coping mechanisms, your workload is heavy, your client needs you decorations—but things don’t always go as
how to manage my time at home and at the to review paperwork, you have to make time planned. People argue, packages arrive too
office, and how to make this the best time of for your child’s holiday play, and your mom late, the food doesn’t turn out as expected,
the year for my family. It’s no surprise that the wants your help baking cookies. It is nearly your uncle drinks too much again this year,
holiday season is a mixture of excitement and impossible to meet everyone’s demands and say etc. If something like this happens, it is ok. The
stress. To ease your stress during this joyful, yes to their invitations. It’s ok to say no. If saying holidays are not ruined. Be grateful for all of
yet stressful time, follow some of these tips no is difficult for you, try “Thank you for the the things that went well.
that have made my holidays more enjoyable. invitation, but I have a prior engagement” or
“I would love to attend your event, but I have Take it easy!
It’s not your responsibility to make other already committed to another event.” Yes, this is probably easier said than done, but
people happy. If you are having trouble determining if you make sure you take time to relax, get enough
Many people believe that it’s their job to should say yes or no to the invitations, set up sleep, exercise and enjoy the moment. Try not
make others happy. This is far from the criteria based on your values. Ask yourself to over-indulge on food and alcohol, as this
truth. For example, your significant other questions such as “Do I really want to do can lead to more stress and anxiety. If you find
hasn’t been happy at her job. Every night this? What do I gain from doing this? Does yourself stressed, think of ways to decompress,
you coach her and try to fix her problem. it interfere with family events?” This will help such as getting a massage, meeting with a
You start feeling stressed because you feel you choose wisely. therapist, volunteering at a local food pantry,
helpless and cannot fix it for her. There’s a taking time for yourself and managing your
difference between loving and supporting Be present. expectations.
someone and trying to fix their problems The best gift you can give your loved ones is If you find that you are still stressed, anxious,
in hopes that they will be happy. We cannot your time. Yes, I know that there are emails or overwhelmed, seek help. The Ohio Lawyers
change how others feel. Your spouse is you need to answer, phone calls to return, Assistance Program helps lawyers, judges and
responsible for her own emotions. What appointments to make, etc. Try to eradicate law students manage life’s stresses
you can do is support her, love her, listen those thoughts while you are spending time OLAP has saved lives, careers, marriages
to her and give her advice, but you cannot with loved ones. Put away your phone, laptop, and families. All inquiries are confidential.
change the way she feels. She owns those briefcase and anything else that reminds you (800) 348-4343 / ohiolap.org
emotions. The truest source of happiness of work or other responsibilities that have
comes from within. nothing to do with the present moment.
“There is only one way to happiness and Join conversations with your family, without Scott R. Mote, Esq. is Executive
that is to cease worrying about things which thinking about how much work is waiting for Director of the Ohio Lawyers
are beyond the power of our will.” you at the office. Let go of whatever is not there Assistance Program. He can be
Epictetus (Greek Sage and Stoic in that moment—the past, the future. Be there, reached at (800) 348-4343 or
Philosopher) right there, right then. smote@ohiolap.org.
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