Page 24 - September2019_BarJournal

COLUMNMENTAL HEALTH & WELLNESS

COPING WITH
AGING PARENTS

Scott R . Mote, Esq .

t the Ohio Lawyers Assistance Make sure you set realistic boundaries. The Ohio Department on Aging provides
Program, we help lawyers cope Determine exactly what you will provide for information on local/county aging offices, too. 5
with life’s challenges. Whether your parent, and stick to it. For example, if your
you need help with a mental parent still lives at home, choose set days and times Don’t forget to check with Medicare and
Ahealth issue, a substance abuse of when you will visit, pick a time where you will Medicaid.
disorder, burnout, or stress, we can help. A not accept phone calls. If your parent lives in an
common issue that I see at OLAP is lawyers assisted living facility, make a visitation schedule Consider professional help
who are burned out, not from practicing law, so that the parent does not expect daily visits. It is Aging Life Care or geriatric care management is an
but from being the caretaker of an adult parent. very difficult to say no to your aging parent, but association that works with families to help them
It is estimated that 65.7 million Americans, you must get in the habit of not doing everything plan for their parents’ futures, including assessment,
or nearly 30 percent of the general population, he or she asks you to do. If so, you will get burned monitoring, education and coaching. They provide
provide care for an older adult, or someone living out and be at risk of depression or illness. an Aging Life Care Professional, also known as
with illness or disability. Whether your parent a geriatric care manager, a health and human
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lives at home or in an assisted living facility, being Ask for help services specialist who acts as a guide and advocate
the caretaker and decision-maker for your parent’s Whether it be from a sibling, a spouse, significant for families who are caring for older relatives or
needs is a challenging and stressful situation, other, or you need to hire an elder law attorney, disabled adults. The Aging Life Care Professional
especially for a lawyer who has clients to care for ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of is educated and experienced in any of several
as well. Paying your parent’s bills, helping them weakness. There is only so much you can handle fields related to aging life care/care management,
bathe, cleaning their house, buying groceries, in one day. If you have a sibling, make a schedule including, but not limited to nursing, gerontology,
making their medical decisions, visiting them in where you take turns providing care. If you don’t social work, or psychology, with a specialized focus
their assisted living home — these activities have any other family members, check with on issues related to aging and elder care. 6
all add up to a significant amount of time. friends or members in your community who If your aging parent is still living at home,
A survey from JAMA Intern Med determined might be able to help. you might need to hire a professional caregiver
that caregivers spend anywhere from 8.3 hours who can provide help while you are at work.
to 28.1 hours per week helping their parents. Do not be afraid to tell your employer, colleagues, AARP, Care.com, and Caregiver.org are just a few
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This is a tremendous amount of time for a courts, opposing counsel, etc., that you are dealing resources that help you find quality caregivers.
lawyer who works full-time, has a family to with an aging parent if you need space/time. Just
raise and a household to run. The same study about all of us have to do this at some time. Contact the Ohio Lawyers Assistance Program
found that caregivers who provide substantial I have heard from many lawyers who are
help with their parent’s care are 1.8 times more Determine if public benefits are available. struggling with the intricacies of caring for
likely to experience emotional difficulty. How their elderly parents. Setting up schedules, doctor
do you manage your home life, your work life Do your research on public benefits. There appointments, household chores, etc., definitely
and your parent’s life without getting depressed are many programs available, but you have to takes a toll on you, sometimes in ways that no
and burned out? find them. one else can understand. As lawyers, we often
take on more than we can handle and many of
Take care of yourself first Eldercare Locator is a public service of the us are perfectionists, so we are disappointed
You know the drill. You must take care of U.S. Administration on Aging that connects you when our plans do not go as we like. This can
yourself before you can take care of others. to services for older adults and their families. 3 lead to a tremendous amount of stress, which
Being a caregiver is a stressful job that can take can lead to depression, mental health issues,
an emotional, physical and financial toll on you. The National Council on Aging website locates substance abuse, etc. OLAP can help you cope
Eat well, get enough sleep and exercise. benefit programs in your area. 4 when you feel like you just cannot do it, when

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