Page 33 - IFAFA ebook v4

11.

Deirdre Hayes

I believe that my early life experiences in some way paved the ground for

my later life attached to DFA. I was born of Irish parents in England and

after primary school, they sent us each (4 of 5 of us) in turn to boarding

school in Dublin. For me, it was about being Irish for sure and maybe the

hope of my parents that they would one day return, which they never did.

After college and working for a couple of years as a social worker I

married a serving officer already posted to Bonn, Germany. This

transition was relatively easy because I had already become familiar with

moving from one culture to another. Again, this was about being Irish and

abroad.

The adaptive strategies of being a spouse are many and varied. I wanted

to learn German straight away but in the 70s there was no budget for

‘wives’ to learn the language. The cost of tuition was high so I applied to

the Friedrich Willhelm University where, if you wanted to study, you

were given up to two semesters of free German lessons. This paved the

way for my period of study (not completed like many initiatives over the

years due to moving) in a German university.

Illness was another theme that arose in our travels. We were in Moscow in

the early 80s when our 12-month-old son became very ill one day. I had

learned Russian - this time to make sure I could get help if the car broke

down or someone got sick and to go shopping of course, as food was scarce

in those days. My ability to speak Russian saved my son's life as I was

able to call the ambulance and get him to a hospital where they cured him

of meningococcal septicaemia, a very serious illness. Our youngest

daughter’s illness in London in 1990 was also a big hurdle for us as a

family. Professionally, we were very busy and had to entertain MP's in

London frequently. Often we had to manage to stay up all night with her

being so ill and turn around and cook and host a dinner party the next

day. This daughter had an intellectual disability and she moved with us

to Beijing. We managed just that later posting with her aged 7-11 but

after that, no school would take her in a foreign posting, so I had to stay

home while my husband went abroad. This separation was a cause of stress

in our whole family as people would remark on how isolated the ‘poor

diplomat’ was without his spouse, whilst we too felt isolated back home.

Funnily, my career has been sustained and even flourished while

managing life in seven countries! It spurred me to be very creative with

my skills. As a social worker I had experience of managing difficult and

distressed children, so in Germany and Moscow I became a substitute

teacher or support teacher for kids who were ‘difficult to handle’. I

started a small International school that I headed for two years in

Moscow. Later, having done a part-time Post-Graduate Masters in

Psychotherapy in Ireland, I worked in Beijing with both English-speaking

Chinese and Ex-Pats who needed therapy. I taught a little at Bei Da

University in Beijing and assisted an up and coming NGO for women

facing Domestic Violence. 24