Page 83 - IFAFA ebook v4

32. Stephen Donnelly

The main question would be: how do you make the status work for
you? I believe the changes in my life experience over nearly the

past decade have taught me that things can change in an instant.

It’s important to have a strong sense of self and of one’s goals, not

just in a career but also in life. I’ve been fortunate that I work in a

versatile and creative field that doesn’t have any international

boundaries. The balance between business and going back to basics

to the creative hobbies that peaked my interest in design in the

first place has been a truly exciting experience.

The need to travel can be a wonderful prospect and opportunity, if

you let it be. It’s the main aspect of my husband’s career that

requires the most thought and planning, but exposure to

international cultures, finding one’s feet and creating a home

abroad have been amazing experiences. It would be quite easy to

feel unsure and uprooted, but the support at home and from our

excellent and talented embassy staff made any transitions so much

more comfortable.

While homesickness can be a symptom of many postings, I say this

not to offend but I don’t believe I’ve felt truly homesick for family

members. In 2019 you’re likely to find me texting my grandmother

or using Skype to chat to friends wherever they may be all over the

globe. While I’m not entirely convinced social media allows us to be

truly ‘connected’, it has allowed me to feel that bit closer to home.

I would sooner be nostalgic for the atmosphere of an Irish pub or a

walk down Grafton Street in the sun.

I approach the diplomatic aspects of my status the same as I would

approach my marriage, as a team. Gerard is as supportive of my life

goals as I am of his. Be it welcoming guests to our home or reaching

out to communities, we’re responsible to reflect the very best of

Ireland.

It’s a wonderful honour and privilege to visibly support my

husband in his work. I feel a new found responsibility to share my

experiences as an Irish married gay man in countries where such a
voice may not otherwise be heard. It’s extremely humbling to be

able to be an advocate for the things I am fortunate enough to take

for granted at home.

In all honesty, the prospect of not having permanent employment

was an initial cause for concern but proved to be a powerful

learning experience for me. Instead of placing my value and self-

worth in my career, it forced me to consider what is most important

to me. On posting, I am able to explore my hobbies and passions and
find a natural balance between career and creativity that works for

me. I’m quite fortunate that my job path as a Graphic Designer is

quite mobile and versatile for my particular needs in any part of

the world.

Diplomats, their spouses and families face opportunities but also

challenges unique to such a career path. Being uprooted and

transplanted many times over could potentially leave a feeling of

transience but IFAFA serves to ground everyone through shared
experiences, support and hope. Times change and IFAFA has

changed with them. Increasingly like myself, a man, men are

becoming the new normal and as such the organisation must evolve

to meet the needs of all its members.

My advice to my younger self would be not to worry about things so

much, to appreciate things one day at a time and to savour the

small moments. Use the opportunity of diplomatic life to reflect on 74

what’s truly important and appreciate the people and world around

you.