Page 226 - A Dictionary of Chinese Symbols BIG Book

A-Z 219
Marriage

jie-hun

By night – so the story goes – the mysterious old man in the moon ties a magical and
invisible red thread round the legs of new-born boys and girls. When they grow up, they
are drawn together by a powerful bond of which they are completely unaware.
Should their paths cross, a wedding is the inevitable outcome.
In pre-1949 China, marriage was not something that young people entered upon of
their own free will. Rather, it was a ‘political’ act of union between two families, and
therefore hardly something that could be left to the whims of the inexperienced.
‘Love marriages’ were until recently customary among the minority peoples in South
China, a practice that was strenuously opposed by the Han majority.
As in the case of business agreements, the initial steps between the two contracting
families were taken, not by the parties themselves, but by an intermediate third party, a
so-called marriage broker (usually a woman, but sometimes a man). A family with a
marriageable child would get in touch with the broker and give him or her a more or less
detailed brief. The broker then visited the other family, which could not, even if
favourably disposed, agree without further ado: honour demanded some sort of
prevarication, and negotiations could run on for a long time. When agreement was finally
reached, the next step was for the broker to bring the ‘eight signs’ – year, day and hour of
birth – for comparison with those of the proposed partner. This was necessary because
everyone had to be satisfied that there was no astrological impediment to the desired
union. Even at this late stage, the whole thing could be called off; or, if the parties still
felt that a marriage should take place in spite of unfavourable signs, certain modifications
could be introduced. Gifts were then exchanged; a dowry was agreed, and gold, silver
and jewellery were handed over, never land.

On the wedding day, the bridegroom arrives along with his friends at the bride’s
house, where entry is ceremoniously denied him until he has given money to the guards.
Then comes the feast. The bride does not take part in this: she sits all day on the bed in
her bridal gown, and is not allowed to leave the room. When night falls, the bridegroom –
often in his cups – enters the bedroom and lifts his bride’s veil: this is when she sees her
husband for the first time. The two are now left alone, though others often get a lot of fun
out of boring holes in the paper window panes with their fingers to see what is going on.
Until quite recently, it was the custom in some regions of China to exhibit the bridal sheet
next morning (as used to be common in certain parts of Europe). A bride who turned out
not to be a virgin could be packed off home straight away.
When choosing a bride certain things had to be borne in mind. For example, marriage
between families with the same surname was not allowed. In very exceptional cases, the
Emperor could sanction such a marriage, but only if the families could prove that their
forebears came from widely separated parts of China.