Page 113 - Advanced Biblical Counseling Student Textbook

Proverbs 15:18 "A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention."

Ephesians 4:26 "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger..."

Ephesians 4:31 "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you,
along with all malice."

Colossians 3:8 "But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk
from your mouth."

Ecclesiastes 7:9 “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”

Proverbs 22:24-25 “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you
learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.”

What makes us angry? Sometimes anger is a response to a friend or loved one’s perceived misdeeds,
especially when the person’s act seems willful, unjustified, and avoidable. But small hassles and
blameless annoyances – gross smells, high temperatures, traffic, aches and pains – also have the power
to make us angry (Myers, 2009).

Anger can harm us – chronic hostility is linked to heart disease. How, then, can we rid ourselves of our
anger? When anger fuels physically or verbally aggressive acts we later regret, it becomes harmful.
Anger can lead to prejudice. Angry outbursts that temporarily calm us are dangerous in another way:
they may be reinforcing and therefore habit forming. If stressed managers find they can drain off some
of their tension by yelling at an employee, then the next time they feel irritated and tense they may be
more likely to explode again. Think about it: the next time you are angry you are likely to do whatever
has relieved your anger in the past (Myers, 2009).

What, then, is the best way to handle our anger? Experts offer two suggestions. First, wait. You can
bring down the level of physiological arousal of anger by waiting. “It is true of the body as of arrows,”
noted Carol Tavris, “what goes up must come down. Any emotional arousal will simmer down if you just
wait long enough.” Second, deal with anger in a way that involves neither being angry over every little
annoyance, nor replaying and talking about the things that make you angry. Thinking over and over
inwardly about the causes of your anger serves only to increase it. Calm yourself by exercising, playing
an instrument, singing, praying or talking it through with a friend (Myers, 2009).
Anger does communicate strength and understanding. It can benefit a relationship when it expresses an
issue in ways that promote reconciliation rather than retaliation. Controlled expressions of anger are
more adaptive than either hostile outbursts or pent-up angry feelings. When James Averill asked people
to recall or keep careful records of their experiences with anger, they often recalled reacting assertively
rather than hurtfully. Their anger frequently led them to talk things over with the offender, and then
releasing the anger. Being civil to others means not only keeping silent about trivial (meaningless)
irritations but also communicating important ones clearly and assertively. A non-accusing statement of
feeling- perhaps letting one’s housemate know that “I get irritated when the dirty dishes are left for me
to clean up” – can help resolve the conflicts that cause anger (Myers, 2009).

What if someone else’s behavior really hurts you? Research commends the age-old response of
forgiveness. Without letting the offender off the hook or inviting further harm, forgiveness releases

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