Page 63 - New Year's cards

At the punchbowl he was guzzling, telling me there’s nothing
puzzling;
Pleas once made to pagan deities to whom folks had to bend and
kneel
Or by magical haranguing—pots and pans they all were banging
By a bonfire made to get the sun back on an even keel:
Primitive attempts to put the cosmos on an even keel.
Burped the Maven: “No big deal.”

“Now we know,” said he, “it’s silly, just because the weather’s chilly,
Thinking human effort’s crucial yearly for some god to turn the
wheel
Bringing back the warmth and sunlight—but of course it must be
done right!
Church and state arose to show us how, and by their guile conceal
Theft of mind and money from the people, crimes they do conceal.”
Croaked the Maven: “No big deal.”

Asking him if he would please take thumb and fingers off my
cheesecake
Tried my patience to the limit: “Listen, that is not at all genteel!”
Burst an oath I could not stifle as he headed for the trifle.
“They are just desserts,” he sniffed; “is this candied orange peel?”
“I’ll give you your just deserts,” I yelled, “and they’re not orange
peel!”
Shrugged the Maven: “No big deal.”

And the Maven, never budging, brushed off my unsubtle nudging.
“What’s your problem, buddy?” was his only answer to my last
appeal;
“Chips and dips are made for snacking!” Arrgh! His face was made
for smacking!
“If it isn’t eaten soon, this guacamole will congeal;
I’m just doing you a favor—do you want it to congeal?”
It would be a long ordeal.

Note: this is a formally close parody of “The Raven”, by Edgar Allan
Poe, transferring the black bird’s memento mori to an unwanted and
extremely irritating guest at a New Year’s party.