Page 190 - The Legacy of Abraham Rothstein - text

The loss of Fannie

and in general gives a person self-respect; but, in difficulties and in
sickness, when one’s pride forces one to bear all his mental suffering
within himself, then it is a torment to the mind and an injury to the
necessary recovery. Fannie herself suspected that no one took her
sufferings seriously, and she kept it locked within herself. Her
relatives, sisters and brothers, and her very close friends, did not
know she was so seriously ill, and still under medical care. I felt
relieved of the strain only when she went into town shopping with
Hilda or Carmel. It gave her distraction and the things she saw in the
stores brightened her up like any woman. It was better for her than
going to a picture show, which I liked to take her to, but could not
find any in the neighborhood to suit her taste.
The passing of life happens to every animal or human being, yet
to the individual it is the greatest misfortune. Death, a natural law,
cannot be reversed, and one by one all must die or disintegrate, yet
when we live this short life of ours in conjunction with others like a
wife and children, we are overcome when we lose them. I was
fortunate to be married for forty-four years to my unforgettable wife
without having many serious physical pains or suffering. We never
had great pleasures, as the ordinary people think of so-called
pleasures; we lived a simple life in more or less frugal economic
conditions. We were reaching old age, enjoying our children and
grandchildren, but blind nature struck down my wife at the very time
when old people need each other more than ever.
I strived all my life to save, to deny myself everything possible, so
as to leave a fund for my wife in her old age. I was ten years older
than she was, and I wanted her to be independent and comfortable
when I passed away. Now she has passed away first and left me all
alone. I just feel lost. A part of my being is gone; the rest is in a
vacuum. I have always been pessimistic and retiring. The only one I
could talk to was my wife. Although she was socially inclined, and
wanted to go here or there to see people or travel, she did everything
to keep me company. Now I miss her every minute.
How long it takes a human to grow, to build up his body, to
develop the bones and muscles—and how fast and merciless the
disintegration strikes! Cancer, the mysterious killer, struck her hard
and fast. After the first operation, only the will to live for her children
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