Page 195 - The Legacy of Abraham Rothstein - text

Old age and the future

When one sits idle, with no material or mental problems to be
bothered with, his mind wanders in a maze of visions of the past and
of the futureless years he has to go through. His mind becomes
clearer and clearer, his reasoning analyzing his actions, his beliefs and
unbeliefs. I find that my unbelief is not because of having desires,
physical or mental, that religion prohibits. Religion is not founded on
any sound basis or theory, but it claims the right to its existence as an
institution teaching morals and ethics. It degenerated into dogmas
and mental punishments when it lost its power to use corporal
punishment. A man’s mind is undeveloped until late in life, and he
falls into belief when he is afraid—or because of social custom or
personal gregariousness.
I have experienced those feelings, and being brought up in a
religious home, it entered my brain cells by osmosis. In my nerves
there is left a longing sometimes, and a feeling of sympathy and
respect for the synagogue and its ceremonies. The human is the most
gregarious animal, and longs for society; perhaps this is the reason
why, now that I am alone and lonesome, I have these feelings.
Strange is the human brain.
After I had not written a word for more than two months, I
realized that once one becomes inactive in any of those things that
are not essential to his physical or mental welfare, he becomes
incapacitated in his thought, the chain of ideas which his mind was
filled with is broken, and it is hard to link them together and put
them on paper. Since I have taken up modeling and carving, my mind
has been occupied and all my desire is in that direction. Had I
possessed the English language thoroughly, I could perhaps be
occupied with writing something worth reading. My mind grasps,
analyzes, evaluates, and judges, but one has to have the right tools to
cast, mold, and shape one’s thoughts so others can understand them.
It is in the nature of man, whatever he makes or sings, to have others
see or hear his creation and enjoy it. It is not only praise men look for
when they make something, but an unconscious incentive that urges
them on.
Ordinarily, man’s mind is occupied mostly with future subjects.
We do not worry about past actions except when they pertain to
future problems. It is not the future that worries or confuses me; that
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