Page 8 - Unlikely Stories 5

At the Palm Court

The king of the palms served as supreme arbiter in cases brought
against his subjects by outsiders. The world had changed in his
lifetime: species jostling for space in a shifting climate and toxic air,
land and water. He found it increasingly difficult to settle claims in
such an adversarial environment. All were victims; all wished they
could wield sharpened axes against those who dared deny their
greater victimhood. Uneasy sat the crown.
On today’s docket was a suit by California live oaks, seeking class
action damages against Mexican fan palms and other Arecaceae
genera in Los Angeles County. Were the king to find in favor of the
plaintiffs, the damages to be awarded could mean the death or
relocation of tens of thousands of his own subjects. That would be
contrary to the preservation of the Royal palm dynasty; but rejecting
a clearly justifiable complaint might lead to trouble with the oaks and
their allies. Either internal or external discontent: he would have to
find a settlement agreeable to both parties.
He called the attorneys for both sides to have a sidebar conference.
A bristling stern Bismarck palm represented the Southern California
contingent. His indignation was palpable; although, according to the
rules of the court, he was not a native palm, he appeared committed
to his clients’ cause. Elaeis, an oil palm, had obviously taken the case
for the oaks on a contingency basis; his reputation was unsavory in
the Palm Court. But he knew the law and always presented good
arguments despite his questionable ethics.
“Is there any hope,” asked the king sotto voce, “of the two of you
reaching a mutually acceptable and amicable agreement? I cannot see
a path to a useful end for any of us if public adjudication is forced.”
“I see no point in delaying the proceedings,” rumbled Bismarck.
“Our defense is clear, and does not permit compromise.”
“Your Honor,” said Elaeis unctuously. “My clients feel anything
less than an unconditional judgment in their favor would be
tantamount to denial of the righteousness of their grievance.”
“Then we must hear your arguments,” intoned the old Royal palm
sadly. Then, in a louder voice, “Court is now in session. First up is
the case brought by California live oaks against Mexican fan palms et
al. Plaintiff alleges that the palms are an invasive species destroying
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