Page 9 - Unlikely Stories 5

At the Palm Court

their right livelihood and habitat, causing grievous harm both to
themselves and the local environment, hereafter referred to as L.A.
County. Further, they ask the court to order the removal—by any
means necessary—of all non-native palms from L.A. County and
assign damages sufficient to plant their own species instead. They do
not seek punitive damages for pain and suffering, although they
would consider justice to be completely served were they awarded by
the court. Elaeis, please present the case for the oaks. I must
admonish all present to maintain a civil level of discourse and
propriety in manner: remember, there are saplings among us.”
“Thank you, Your Honor. I am confident that your vast erudition
and untarnished reputation for fairness will lead you to the
conclusion that justice in this case will be served by ruling in favor of
my clients. First, the unarguable facts on—and in—the ground.
California live oaks precede the arrival of humans in Southern
California by millions of years. The species acclimatized over that
period, integrating into the ecology of the region. They provide
shade, habitat and nutrients in a symbiotic circle of life. As wood they
are valuable to people, for utilitarian purposes and for home use in
construction and furnishings. And they are relatively fire resistant. In
short, they are natives at risk of extinction by invaders.”
“I must put this as delicately as possible in this venue, Your
Honor, but palm trees are replacing oaks simply because a current
human fad has given them a cachet of exoticism. Otherwise Mexican
fan palms would be almost unknown in this region. Their minimal
footprint also makes them attractive in neighborhoods where land is
at a premium. But look at their negative qualities: they do not provide
shade—but they do give sanctuary to rodents; their untrimmed dead
fronds are highly flammable, spreading embers during fires; those
same dried heavy fronds, blown off in high winds, are a hazard when
falling from a great height; and they are literally deadly to humans,
suffocating scores yearly who try to trim them.”
“To sum up, therefore, I request the court to order the extraction
of those alien palm trees and issue orders for the restitution of my
clients—innocent victims in this affair—on their traditional property.
If not, it will set a dangerous precedent for the destruction of any and
all trees based purely on whim. Thank you.”

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