Page 13 - Sounds Rides Jan 2023

medical bills. But I threw the other $35,000 in."
JIMS JOKES
There was this couple who had been married for 50
years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one
morning when the old gentleman said to his wife,
"Just think, honey, we've been married for 50
years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years
ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table
together." "I know," the old man said, "We were
probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years
ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you
say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two
stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly
replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as
they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be
surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee
and the other is in your porridge."
An elderly man 82, just returned from the doctors
only to find he didn’t have long to live. So he
summons the three most important people in his
life to tell. 1. His Doctor 2. His Priest 3. His Lawyer
"Well today I found out I don’t have long to live. So
I asked you three here, because your the most
important people in my life. And I need to ask a
favour. Today I am going to give each of you and
envelope with $50,000 dollars in it. When I die, I
would ask that all three of you throw the money in
my grave." Well a few days later the man passed
on, The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept
$10,000 dollars of his money, he owed me lots of
The Priest said, "I have to admit also I kept
$25,000 dollars for the church. Its all going to a
good cause. And I threw the rest in." Well the
Lawyer just couldn’t believe what he was hearing,
"I am surprised at you two. I wrote a cheque for
the whole amount and threw it in."
This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.
Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled
the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t
had sex for years now and I was wondering how I
can increase my husband’s sex drive.” The doctor
smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him
Viagra?” The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even
get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,”
she claimed. ”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me
suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a
powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into
the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s
office quickly. Weeks later the old lady returned.
She was frowning and the doctor asked her what
was wrong. She shook her head. ”How did it go?”
the doctor asked. ”Terrible, doctor, terrible.” ”Did it
not work?” ”Yes,” the old lady said, ”It worked. I
did as you said and he got up and ripped his
clothes off right then and there and we made mad
love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had
in 25 years.” ”Then what is the problem, ma’am?”
”Well,” she said. ”I can’t ever show my face in
McDonald’s again.
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