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Mekor Hachayim Sefer Chafetz Chayim
Hilchot Esurei Lashon Hara

Kelal Gimal

the speaker demonstrates a side of his personality that is cruel and
arrogant. In so doing the speaker incites additional controversy
and argument and often the verbal exchange will deteriorate to
humiliating this “victim.” This subject was elaborated above in
the Introduction in discussing the Lav of “Do not cause yourself to
come to sin because of him.”

K3/2. Regarding the occasional leniency of Chazal, in situations

where the speaker would not have restrained himself from making
comments directly in front of the victim, that is (only) specifically
in the context of Avak Lashon Hara and is conditional on the
following: The comment must be such that it can be taken in
either one of two ways and nominally there is not even a hint of
anything derogatory in the statement. The comment can be made
only conditionally, depending on how it is presented; its intonation,
the loudness with which it is spoken and the context in which it
is spoken. If the speaker wanted to express himself in a way that
the listener understands his intent is to defame the victim (these
remarks would be prohibited), but these types of remarks are very
difficult to assess. Therefore, Chazal established this guideline: If
the speaker’s intonation in expressing those remarks is such that
one would not be embarrassed to make those remarks (using the
same intonation) in the presence of this person who is the subject of
those remarks, then the remarks can be made because it is obvious
the speaker’s intent is not to hurt this person. But if it is apparent
from the speaker’s intonation that the remarks are derogatory, and
as such a person would be embarrassed to express those same
remarks in front of his fellow Jew (i.e., the “victim”), and at worst
they are Avak Lashon Hara, and they are truthful, and the speaker
knows he would express those same remarks directly to the victim,
nevertheless those remarks are forbidden.

Be'er Mayim Chayim on page 107

K3/3. Understand how strictly forbidden is Lashon Hara, that even

if comment is not made out of a sense of hatred (2) against this person

volume 2