Page 16 - Feb 2023 News On 7

Milica Jelenic, Marmora, ON
https://www.milicajelenic.com 613-472-2701

I’m Too Old For That…
In my work, I have heard many people tell me, “I’m too old for that!” and they laugh off my questions about sex and intimacy.
I know when that happens that something deeper is going on. If they are open to it I often ask some questions around that
like:
What do you think sex is?
What do you think intimacy is?
Have you ever enjoyed sex?
Have you ever experienced intimacy?

After these questions I often hear the following answers:
Sex is when you know, the body parts go together. Intimacy is when the body parts go together. I think I enjoyed sex once
or twice when I was younger. Isn’t sex and intimacy the same thing? I think I enjoyed it once or twice when I was younger…
didn’t I just say that? Sex can be included in intimacy, but is not all that intimacy is. For some people, emotional intimacy
can lead to more positive sexual experiences and greater sexual satisfaction. And physical intimacy, whether it involves sex
or not, can help you feel connected with your partner in other ways.

What are the benefits of having intimacy in your life? Lower stress levels, better healing after surgery, healthier behaviours,
a longer lifespan, ward off depression, lower resting blood pressure, higher levels of oxytocin, a feel-good hormone.
You might experience some resistance to intimacy, and that’s okay, these are some of the barriers that frequently come up:
Emotional factors: Emotional wounds from the past, Grief , Unresolved relationship conflicts, Divorce, Illness, Issues
with trust and commitment.
Working with a professional to help you with these conflicts can be very effective. If you are not interested in that, then
having a close friend to talk to or a group, like a grief group can be helpful as well.
Cognitive Factors: Memory impairment, Depression.
Physical factors: Vaginal dryness, Hormonal Changes, Erectile dysfunction, Chronic pain, limited mobility, Recovery from
surgery

Overcoming these challenges may require assistance from tools: Sex toys, Lubricant (nothing with flavour or scent,
preferably just water-based lubricant), Positions that are easier on your body. If you have had surgery there are several
positions that can be done after knee and hip surgeries. Call me to find out about that!

What can be done?
Talk about things that matter to you like your thoughts, feelings, fears and emotions
Try something new and different like going out to a new restaurant or going on holiday together
Acts of kindness towards each other
Gratitude: let them know you are grateful for them
Touch: ask them how they like to be touched and gift that
Quality Time: whether it is a ride down country roads looking at the changing weather or a project you are working on
together, quality time can be done in many ways.
Gifts: Bring home the little things for your partner, it can be as small as bringing them their favourite treat to a diamond
ring, that’s up to you!

If you would like some assistance going through all of this to find out what you need in your relationship please feel free to
connect with me.

Milica