Page 14 - Sept 2023 News On 7

SEPARATED BY DIVORCE, UNITED IN LOSS: COPING WITH THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate”. - Mark 10:9

In July, I wrote about the wedding season and the importance of preparing for marriage. Despite
my usual avoidance of similar topics, I find myself going through a personal challenge that
reinforces the significance of “looking before you leap” into marriage.
Reflecting on my journey, I experience a mix of emotions. Almost 20 years have passed since my family broke apart due to
divorce, and its lasting effects continue to shape my perspective on marriage. Today, as I write this post, it is my ex-mother-
in-law’s 92nd birthday, and she is in palliative care. Not being a part of her life during such a significant time fills me with
deep sadness and longing. This situation prompts me to once again evaluate my life and learn from my mistakes.
I am grateful that God has been with me throughout my journey. I have confidence that He is using my experiences to help
me grow spiritually and fulfill my purpose in life, particularly in my ministry work as a Wedding Officiant for couples.
Recently, I redesigned my website to highlight the importance of marriage readiness courses as an integral part of the
services I offer. This decision arose from a personal revelation I had after becoming a wedding officiant. Having gone
through a painful divorce myself, I felt increasingly uncomfortable marrying couples without preparing them for the
challenges and commitments that lie ahead. My own experience taught me how crucial it is to enter into marriage with a
strong foundation and a deep understanding of its true meaning.
On my homepage, under the heading “What Makes Me an Expert?” it says:
25+ years of counselling experience
20+ years of lived marriage experience
A guide that understands the pain of getting started wrong
Incorporating my own story of struggle and growth into my website was not an easy decision due to feelings of shame
regarding the failure of my own marriage. However, I chose to embrace the truth because acknowledging our mistakes and
sharing them can offer valuable insights to others. Learning from the experiences of those who have stumbled before us
helps us avoid pitfalls that may jeopardize our relationships in the future.
I believe wholeheartedly in the institution of marriage, but I also recognize that many couples, like me, enter into this union
without proper preparation. Through my own lived experience and 25+ years of working closely with couples I have been
exposed to the harsh realities and devastating consequences of not adequately preparing for marriage. It is an experience
that has left an indelible mark on my soul.

I believe wholeheartedly in the institution of marriage, but I also recognize that many couples, like me, enter into this union
without proper preparation. Through my own lived experience and 25+ years of working closely with couples I have been
exposed to the harsh realities and devastating consequences of not adequately preparing for marriage. It is an experience
that has left an indelible mark on my soul.
he grandmother that I desperately hope I'll get a chance to be. She is an example of a simple, nurturing, sacrificial, woman
who was 100% completely devoted to her family. She is loved beyond measure. She will be missed beyond my ability to
fathom.
The thought of not being able to be there for her during her final days is heartbreaking. It reminds me of the profound loss
that divorce brings, severing not only the bond between spouses but also the connections to the extended family.
As my boys and the rest of the family gathered to celebrate her birthday, I felt a bittersweet ache in my heart. I am no longer
a part of that family, and the grief I feel is isolating. It’s hard to articulate the impact she had on my life and the fact that
there is no one in my family that I can safely share my grief with adds another layer of complexity to the healing process.
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