Page 112 - Language is an Intangible Bridge

when i was in my early 20s, eleanor bauer said to me during
a mentoring session, she said, you do understand that you can do whatever you want? i did and did not understand that i could in fact do whatever i wanted. i checked in with my feeling body, and there it was, the proof: i was elated, i was excited in the way someone who just discovered something ground breaking is. it took me two years of focusing before i started feeling like i could actually believe what eleanor said was true. i started noticing the difference in my behaviour.
i was becoming more optimistic, more readily creative. not
less deliberate, but definitely less careful. less
intimidated. i started believing i started believing
i really could do whatever i wanted; i started
doing things. the moment eleanor recognised i
was getting comfortable, she asked, okay. so. now
that you can do whatever you want, what do
you want to do? whether or not her
timing was intentional, to me the challenge was
real. what did i want to do? and... was i doing it?
ten years later, (today, hello) i am only beginning
to see evidence that i am doing what i want to be
doing.
does it make sense to say something about non-anticipatory aesthetics, a notion and a practice i am extremely very very passionate about
“anti-anticipatory aesthetic” names the experimental creative strategy that functions according to a principle similar to “act first, deduct later,” which–in itself–is an homage-of-sorts to Deborah Hay’s choreographic strategy “shoot, then aim.” the aim of “anti-
pavleheidler short talks