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%u00a9Jack Fritscher, Ph.D., All Rights ReservedHOW TO LEGALLY QUOTE FROM THIS BOOK262 Jack Fritscherthe surface of the flat water spread out a dark saucer around us, night and moon and city lights, swirling, she sat on my thighs, her arms given over, around, cooing love, love, love, fuck, fuck me do, her hands fluttering like little fish, touching, holding, squeezing me, shorting out, trying not to think of Hank the Tank drowning, how it must have been like this, wet, and so I saw him, Tank, panicked, breathless, going down once, floating, spouting, going down twice, spurting, lost, pumping the cold water, drowning, her, breathless, floating, laughing, her arms and legs twined around, veined around me, the sense of being not myself, of turning inside out, forgetting her, forgiving her. Oh, love, love, she cried, slowing, tendering care. I did not, could not, was not like other men. Something held me blank, blanked out, blanketed. I could give myself to nothing, not even this, this, this ultimate act of creativity, this drumming tribal demand, this pleasure, this beautifully mortal sin. I could give myself to nothing all the way. Oh, she said, love me, and, oh, please, she said, hold me, and let me, she said, hold you, and she was perfect, and I was emptied of lust but not desire, starting to tickle her, to bring her up out of any misconception, beginning a laugh, slowly, coaxing her, shivering in the water, the cold up to our necks, cooing her head to quiet on my shoulder, loving her for what she was, no matter what, steadying her head, palming her hair close to me. Hold on, I said holding her tightly, hold on, hold your breath, and I sank us both inches below the surface. The dark water was cold, but she did not fight to come back up. My thumb signed her forehead with a Cross and I thought the words of Baptism, In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. I stayed under, held us both under, as long as I thought we could both hold our breath.%u201cJesus!%u201d She gasped for air, came up clawing at me, slapped me hard across the face. We swam and waded toward the beach through the warm night air, dressed silently, quickly, and one went one way, and the other, the other.At Louisa%u2019s, standing alone on the dark porch, I banged on the door. She came in her wrapper. %u201cWhat in the world,%u201d she said through her sleep.%u201cI lost my key,%u201d I said.%u201cMen,%u201d she said. %u201cYou%u2019ve been up to something.%u201d%u201cNothing.%u201d%u201cYou all lie.%u201d She yawned. %u201cI don%u2019t believe a word men say.%u201d%u201cI don%u2019t lie.%u201d%u201cYou! I don%u2019t believe a word you say.%u201d She rocked with sleepiness, talking in her sleep. %u201cYou!%u201d One of her eyes opened wide, wider, widest, malocchio, evil eye.