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%u00a9Jack Fritscher, Ph.D., All Rights ReservedHOW TO LEGALLY QUOTE FROM THIS BOOK64 Jack Fritscher%u201cFor it was uncharity that condemned Christ to die so ignominiously on the cross. His precious blood was spilled to fill that very cup of charity that we must offer one to another.%u201dI reached up to touch the crucifix hanging above the screen which framed the priest%u2019s profile. My fingers, my priestly thumb and forefinger, touched the painted body of Christ crucified and I thought, %u201cI hold Him now as I will hold Him later in the Host.%u201dThe priest hissed at me horribly, %u201cYoung man! What are you doing? Put your hand down!%u201d%u201cI%u2019m sorry,%u201d I said. I was very sorry I had the longing to touch.%u201cBe quiet,%u201d he said. %u201cPay attention! For it is in loving others that we love Jesus. In others, we find Jesus.%u201d%u201cI love Jesus,%u201d I prayed. %u201cDirectly, I love Jesus.%u201d %u201cAre you deaf, boy? I told you once. You can%u2019t love Jesus directly. You can only love Jesus through loving others.%u201d%u201cForgive me for that then too, Father.%u201d %u201cFor your penance say three Our Father%u2019s and three Hail Mary%u2019s. Now make a good Act of Contrition.%u201d%u201cOh, my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell, but most of all because I have offended Thee, My God, who...%u201d I touched my fingers contritely together on Jesus%u2019 feet, hoping the word would come.%u201cKnock it off,%u201d the priest said, and slammed the slide closed across the screen, leaving me in darkness while I finished.%u201cI firmly resolve,%u201d I said to the closed screen, %u201cwith the help of Thy grace to sin no more, and to avoid the near occasions of sin.%u201dThe screen slid open. %u201cGo in peace,%u201d he said. Again the screen slammed shut.I said, %u201cThank you, Father%u201d to the dark, stood up off my knees, and with a swimming breast stroke pulled open the heavy green curtain and walked out through the twenty lines of three hundred repentant boys waiting, shuffling, murmuring outside the ten Confessionals.I knelt in a back pew near a pillar. The medieval dark was musk and damp as March. I shivered watching the far-ahead flicker of the red sanctuary lamp casting shadows through the darkened church across the marble altar. Once again a priest had failed to say any key word. Perhaps no one would ever tell me. Perhaps boys who never heard any word of revelation lacked a true vocation. Jesus could not pass by like that, words unspoken between us. I%u2019d find the words to Jesus directly: with nobody between Him and me.