Page 86 - What They Did to the Kid

74 Jack Fritscher

I looked at him, the side of his head, the white hair crested
well back on the crown, hoping this time he would say some secret
code word that would unite the natural in me with the supernatural
outside me.
“My son,” he said from beneath his hand, “you do well to guard
against sins of uncharitableness.”
I locked my fingers together in front of me.
“For it was uncharity that condemned Christ to die so ignomini-
ously on the cross. His precious blood was spilled to fill that very cup
of charity that we must offer one to another.”
I reached up to touch the crucifix hanging above the screen
which framed the priest’s profile. My fingers, my priestly thumb
and forefinger, touched the painted body of Christ crucified and
I thought, “I hold Him now as I will hold Him later in the Host.”
The priest hissed at me horribly, “Young man! What are you
doing? Put your hand down!”
“I’m sorry,” I said. I was very sorry I had the longing touch.
“Be quiet,” he said. “Pay attention! For it is in loving others that
we love Jesus. In others, we find Jesus.”
“I love Jesus,” I prayed. “Directly, I love Jesus.”
“Are you deaf, boy? I told you once. You can’t love Jesus directly.
You can only love Jesus through loving others.”
“Forgive me for that then too, Father.”
“For your penance say three Our Father’s and three Hail Mary’s.
Now make a good Act of Contrition.”
“Oh, my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee, and I
detest all my sins because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of
hell, but most of all because I have offended Thee, My God, who...”
I touched my fingers contritely together on Jesus’ feet, hoping the
word would come.
“Knock it off,” the priest said, and slammed the slide closed
across the screen, leaving me in darkness while I finished.
“I firmly resolve,” I said to the closed screen, “with the help of
Thy grace to sin no more, and to avoid the near occasions of sin.”
The screen slid open. “Go in peace,” he said. Again the screen
slammed shut.
I said, “Thank you, Father” to the dark, stood up off my knees,

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