Page 16 - The Final Exam Book - NO GRID 25:03:24

Anne
The initial years of my secondary education passed without much incident. I was performing decently in my studies and enjoying time with my peers. However, the subsequent years would prove to be signi"cantly more challenging.
My academic struggles began in my fourth year of secondary school. I found myself lagging behind my classmates and spending sleepless nights trying to keep up. Despite my best e!orts, I wasn't achieving the results I wanted, which left me feeling defeated and perpetually tired.
My short naps turned into hours-long sleep sessions, and I would wake up angry at myself for squandering valuable study time. My mother even suggested counselling to help me deal with these overwhelming emotions, but I stubbornly refused, not wanting to seem weak.
Entering my "rst year of sixth form, the academic demands intensi"ed, and I struggled to keep pace. Anxiety overwhelmed me, a!ecting my ability to concentrate on my studies. This led to several instances where my parents were called to school because I had missed important exams due to my anxiety. I was haunted by a persistent fear of inadequacy and often found myself crying in my sleep, dreading the coming day.
My mental health deteriorated, and I failed my "rst year of sixth form. As a perfectionist, accepting the reality of being held back was di$cult, and I feared the judgement of being labelled a failure. My con"dence plummeted, and anxiety continued to plague me throughout my sixth form years.
Those three years are a blur, marked by intense anxiety and depression. It wasn't until I began experiencing suicidal thoughts and the urge to self-harm that I recognised the severity of my struggle. My self-harm began with minor pinches but escalated to causing bruises. I avoided more noticeable forms of self-harm to keep my distress hidden.
As suicidal thoughts became more frequent, I realised I needed help. This acknowledgment was the "rst step toward my recovery. I mustered the courage to discuss my situation with my mother, and
we sought professional help together. It took time to build trust with my counsellor and to see the value in the sessions.
Counselling helped me process my emotions and distinguish between constructive and destructive thoughts. The understanding that my feelings were transient and that my circumstances could improve helped me combat suicidal ideation. Envisioning a life beyond school gave me hope and new goals to strive for.
Now, I've come to accept my struggles as part of my journey. Repeating a year taught me to move at my own pace and o!ered me fresh perspectives. I've learned to take pride in my resilience and to "nd strength in overcoming adversity. While I still face challenging days, I'm better equipped to manage negative thoughts and resist self- harm.
The path to clarity was not straightforward. There were moments during counselling when I felt stagnant, but I learned that self-awareness must be paired with action to e!ect change. This involved challenging my thoughts, confronting my fears, and engaging in tough conversations.