Page 4 - Florida Sentinel 10-1-19

Editorial/Column
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Black Toxic Love Songs
I f you dance to the music, don’t you “know you got to pay to the piper, ask your mama! I spend my money on you – every dime. You even told me you had a good time; the night is through and we’re all alone; you said it’s time that you went home. You’ve been wined and dined in front of me. Just how
nice must I be? . . .”
The rest of the lyrics talk about the singer losing his patience. This 1992 song blatantly tells a woman that she is expected to engage in sex with him because he spent money on her. The Chairman of the Board hit record sounded like an affirmation of date-rape. This song and many others champion domestic violence and dysfunctional relation- ships.
While songs by artists such as Marvin Gaye, Whitney Houston, Billy Ocean, The Tempta- tions, Teddy Pender- grass, Aretha Franklin, Sam Cooke, and Barry White crooned us into love relationships, before long, many of us found out our love fit like a tight pair of shoes.
For instance, the song
“When It Hurts So Bad,” by Lauryn Hill ex- presses a woman’s love for a
man who doesn’t return or even care about her feelings. These and other toxic love songs give normalcy to men and women loving other people more than them- selves, and staying in rela- tionships past their expiration dates.
The song, “Love on the Brain,” by Rhianna is a song of complete abdication of self-esteem and self-re- spect in exchange for hot sex.
Other songs, “Thin Line Between Love and Hate,” “Keep On Using Me,” and “I Feel Like Dying,” are among songs that talk about killing, maiming, suicide and losing our minds in the name of a sick love.
Too often, we stay in re- lationships trying to make them work. If there are chil- dren involved, they tend to see the relationships as nor- mal, and often repeat the behaviors they see when they become adults.
Toxic love also creates scores of single mothers whose children become the side effects. For some rea- son, we tend not to use li- censed psychologists and psychiatrists to counsel us before and while we are in crumbling relationships.
Some of us get lucky and meet women and men who love God and themselves enough to leave toxic rela-
tionships before they lose themselves to the toxicity. There are many who meet men and women who are able to form relationships of mutual love and respect that thrive until death because they sought help and/or made a commitment to work on the union.
Clearly, there are conver- sations we need to have with girls and boys at a young age and young women and men about what real love looks and feels like, beginning with God-love and self-love. We need to know that real love doesn’t hurt, love is kind, love is saying and doing kind things; love is lis- tening and not doing things that cause pain and humili- ation. Love is patient and lifts you up.
Even though Jo-Jo, Se- lene Gomez, Beyoncé, and others sing songs of tox- icity, male singers sing them, too. There are more songs about being in a toxic relationship than there are about leaving those relation- ships. Every time we write a story about domestic vio- lence, murder by husbands and wives and significant others, we cringe at the thought that someone stayed in the relationship too long.
With all the adrenaline, hormones and excitement that comes with love or in- fatuation, we need to help our men and women to de- velop strengths within our- selves and our children that causes them to leave a rela- tionship when there’s evi- dence that the union is not going to work.
There is no need for love to feel so good, but hurt so bad. (Trust me.).
Harambee
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Les Miller: A Gaze Into His Future
t undoubtedly, was one of the most painful moments in his illustrious life. At a recent news conference, Hillsbor- ough County Commissioner Les Miller, Jr., in a quiet
voice, told a news reporter that he, Miller, had prayed over his future plans, and had decided, after talking with his wife and family, that he would retire in the coming year from his present commission seat and that he would furthermore, not seek the post of Hillsborough County Clerk of the Circuit Court.
For a moment, the reporter was stunned as Miller gazed into the television camera eye-to-eye. Needless to say, we, too, were shocked. As far as we were concerned, the Clerk of the Circuit Court post was Miller’s to win or lose.
But, here on public television, Miller chose to lose it. Should we feel betrayed?
And when is enough, enough? How many years does an individual have to serve his public before he can honestly an- nounce, “I’ve given all l have to give,” and be believed by his fellow constituents?
Les Miller has given much to his society, to his nation and to the world. Serving in the military with distinction, he went on to graduate with honors from the University of South Florida. Then, he dived head-first into local and state poli- tics, making his name a household word for support of pub- lic interests and civil rights.
During those grueling years, Miller’s physical well-being also took a beating, suffering three bouts of cancer as well as an ever-present arthritic back ailment, then having to give support for his wife, daughter and other family members who also suffered cancer illnesses.
But, dreams and aspirations often ignore human ailment. So, why not reach for stars. Yet, reality is a hard taskmaster. So, when Les Miller fought back tears on a television in- terview to announce his decision not to reach his dream, we
cried, too. But did we weep for him or for ourselves?
Les Miller will have -- if God willing – many years ahead of himself for travel and family love. No doubt, he will con- tinue to be involved in the destiny of our community in many
sundry ways.
But as for now, he’s decided to take a break. We can’t
blame him.
I
PAGE 4 FLORIDA SENTINEL BULLETIN PUBLISHED EVERY TUESDAY AND FRIDAY TUESDAY, OCTOBER 1, 2019