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Advice from our master Rabbi Elozor Menachem
Mann Shach zt”l
concerning Shidduchim and Marital harmony,
from the sefer Saaros Eish,
and what I added according to what was passed
down to me by tradition or which I heard.

1) To be aware that many times at the outset of the marriage one
will go through difficult periods, until the two people grow
accustomed to one another. However, if both sides are patient
things will work out. He related that one of the great sages
had very poor marital harmony during the first three years
of marriage, to such a degree that on many occasions there
was very little communication between the two parties, but
subsequently things worked out and they enjoyed a remarkably
happy and stable marriage.

2) To honor her more than himself, by praising her constantly
whenever there is anything for which to praise her, and
whenever he does use words of praise they should be sincere
and genuine.

I heard concerning the Sabba from Kelm zt”l that on Friday
night after Maariv on his way home from the Bais HaMedrash,
he would think over all the kindnesses his wife had done for
him during the week, and as he entered his house and said “Gut
Shabbos” the words of blessing would emanate from a heart
full of gratitude.

3) To always speak pleasantly and never raise one’s voice, and
to always recall the way they addressed each other when they
were newlywed Chasan and Kallah, meaning at that time they
spoke pleasantly and from joyous hearts. To greet her first with
a good morning and Shalom, in a voice which indicates that he
has happiness in his heart.

4) The foundation of the house should be built on concession,

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